Fears over Millwall versus Staines clash

Overkill slightly??? I have never read anything so funny in my life!

I have already sent my kids to cornwall, it's just too serious. I've heard that some of those Millwall fans will be bombing nearby areas. It's like WW2 all over again, brings back very painful memories.

I fear the Millwall hoodlums may go and look round the back now.......
"I am going to hide my car around the back."
Loose lips sink ships !!

Canne wait, I'mma gonna be dere smashing down de houses man...

Be very careful residence of Staines. As you all know we have history and will not stop until every house in the Staines area have had their doors knocked, and when answered our top boys have run away. We will see it as a major defeat if some old girl hasn't called the Old Bill from her bungalow while 40-50 Millwall are urinating on her Petunias. You never know, with a huge invasion of 700 of us coming to Town we might see a return from the bad old days of colourful language and chinese burns.

Millwall were always going to turn out big time for this trip, memories of Slough away years ago come to mind, 700 tickets? More like 2,000 will be making their way down. The locals and Chelsea will get demolished.

I think Staines could do with a Luton style makeover.

True. It's been a while since there's been serious mass disorder at a football ground and I think the residents have every right to be fearful. The nasty Millwall firm has been in over drive this season. God help the residents.

I was visiting some pals in Belmarsh nick at the weekend and when I mentioned this upcoming fixture one of them said 'shhh, look over at that wall'. Part of the wall looked a little damp, on closer inspection I noticed that there was a three ft hole covered with papier mache. My mate then gave me a coded message to take out with me. It seems that there is to be a breakout by 50 hardened Millwall villains on the morning of the game. I genuinely fear for the residents of Staines, my mate is the least nasty of them, but he's in for selling kids to Albanian pimps and dealing crack to muggers who rob our war veterans.
God help you!

they are a terrible lot and Ive heard they eat babies :(
so you wanna hide them too

Aiiiii,

Don't worry people of Staines. Da Staines Republican Army will protect you from dese gud fa nuffink South east-siders! Dey is just big girls. If any of dem is serious, dey will meet by the fruit machine in the amusements shop on da high st innit!

Peace!

Ali.

By the way - I is away at me aunties in Bracknell that day. Good luck everyone.

I hope none of the above is true. I live in Wheatsheaf Lane and we held a community meeting last night to voice ouur fears & concerns. The police seemed to play down the fear of violence but having looked at Millwall on youtube this morning and the comments above, I'm very worried, especially as we have just bought a new car and got new windows.

members of staines. please don't stain your pants over our visit. we come in peace and will leave you in pieces.

My mate Charlie Bright is in the army and based at Aldershot just down the road from Staines. Anyway he is a Millwall supporter and is proper loony tunes. He's gone AWOL and I hope it is no coincidence that a box grenades from under his bed and a sniper rifle have gone missing. Please please let there be no grassy knolls down Wheatsheaf Lane.....

So the Wheatsheaf Lane possee are going for layered fixed defences eh?

(plus subterfuge! - Millwall out front, park car round back - GENIUS!)

Sounds like the Millwall mob will need to get serious - trebuchets to lob fruit machines (late of the Golden Lion) through boarded up windows, bayonets for hand to hand fighting in the trench networks dug in front gardens, proximity fused fragmentation grenades for housewives taking cover behind fridge freezers, thermobaric rockets to clear determined dug-in W.I. coffee mornings

It's going to go off BIG STYLE

Without trying to concern the local residents too much, it's likely Staines will undergo a massive reconstruction, especially properties around Wheatsheaf Lane. It is widely known many Millwall have been polishing and cleaning their grenade and rocket launchers especially for this fixture. It might be worth looking at moving out before the game, and if there are any houses left intact, move back in after the game (but check for landmines and unexploded grenades, what a sunday morning surprise that would be)

So the Wheatsheaf Lane possee are going for layered fixed defences eh?

(plus subterfuge! - Millwall out front, park car round back - GENIUS!)

Sounds like the Millwall mob will need to get serious - trebuchets to lob fruit machines (late of the Golden Lion) through boarded up windows, bayonets for hand to hand fighting in the trench networks dug in front gardens, proximity fused fragmentation grenades for housewives taking cover behind fridge freezers, thermobaric rockets to clear determined dug-in W.I. coffee mornings

It's going to go off BIG STYLE

I know how you poor residents feel. I am the Millwall mascot and when I get to the south lower before matchday the kids are lining up to punch me on the nose.

I'm supposed to be the king of the jungle for Gods sake.

I really do fear for you. If they do that to their own mascot what the hell will they do to all those lovely cars and windows down Wheatsheaf lane

praise allah i'm stuck in a cave in afganastan rather than the middle england leafy suburbs of staines for this mother of all wars.

You will never take our back garages and front gardens

You come looking for trouble then be careful what you wish for....

You break our windows we break your noses

It seems that this match couldn't have come at a worse time for Staines.

It is common knowledge that Millwall's hooligan following have (goose)stepped into the 21st Century by spending vast amounts of time playing the new hit PS3 game, Modern Warfare 2.

In light of this, Staines should be prepared for hoards of mentalists wealding AK-47's, RPG missile launchers and stun grenades.

I note that some people have boarded up their windows in light of this news. I can tell you now, that this simply will not be enough.

Good luck Staines. You're going to need it.

Staines, sorry to say this, but you're screwed. There's nothing even I can do to help you out, Millwall will crucify you next Saturday. I got pizza for dinner that day, actually.

I think I just wet myself laughing

from our command bunker we have been studying the aerial reconnaissance photographs. we have earmarked a small childs trampoline in Winifred Barnetts back garden which could prove extremely useful in breaching the otherwise impenetrable perimeter fences.

I am a member of the SAS having just got back from Iraq.

Sod this for a laugh, I'm going to the West Bank now for a bit of peace and quiet.

haha priceless!!!

This is by far the funniest thing i have ever read. Millwall will be taking 700 fans to staines, available to season ticket holders and members only, this big bad nasty firm u seem to have read about in the sun wont be there. because... 1. its staines, ur not relevant.. 2. we only takin 700 season ticket or members. 3. none of u idiots were at the west ham game nor have you properly read any report from the papers. WE WERE LOCKED IN THE GROUND, COULDNT GET ON THE PITCH, AND THE CHAIRS THAT WERE 'TORE UP' WERE BECAUSE OF OVERCROWDING MEANING PEOPLE WERE GETTING CRUSHED, THAT WAS DUE TO THE POLICE ALLOWING ANY TOM DICK AND HARRY INTO OUT STAND... (THAT WAS WEST HAM FANS.. PLZ CHECK AGAIN IF YOU DONT BELIEVE ME) sorry little bit side tracked there but anyways staines villagers dont be scared it aint like ze germans are coming..

You're not real Millwall. We have pre planned this attack since Luton 1985. We do things in stages you see.

Luton 85, Derby 94, Birmingham 02.

Luton and Derby seperated by 9 years. Derby and Birmingham seperated by 8 years. Birmingham and Staines seperated by 7 years.

The clock is ticking residents of Wheatsheaf Lane.

Oi Winifred, your worst nightmare is going to come true.

I am the King South London Litter Lout!

No amount of police will stop me dropping my litter!! Be prepared to be covered in a literal snowfall of cocaine wraps, clear plastic bags with traces of ket, copious amounts of empty SKOL Premium cans, empty burger king wrappers and thousands of discarded newspapers that were Millwall Bricks used to smash your cars up.

LITTER LITTER LITTER OI OI OI

Don't be afraid, people of Staines, we're with you all the way, shoulder to shoulder.
Good luck.
Barak Obama

The people of Staines have weapons of mass destruction.

We will be lurking in your hedgerows waiting to wack any unsuspecting Staines residents.

We're not called the Bushwackers for nothing....

Update on Pte Charlie Bright:
Still AWOL, last seen on a stolen motorbike and with his Rambo knife in St Pinnock Avenue near Wheatsheaf Lane. He's looking for Mrs Hughes. Why oh why did she have to goad him like this, and I quote:

Mrs Payne said she thinks the match will go off without a hitch.

She said: "Millwall have no history with Staines, and they have no reason to cause to trouble. I am certain nothing will go wrong"

We are going to need more than the police...

'Baker Team - Rambo, Messner, Ortega, Coletta, Jurgensen, Barry, Krakauer confirm! This is Colonel Trautman. ...

Remember Staines - 45,000 Millwall at Wembley. 700 tickets available. Be afraif.... be very afraid.

Can you ask Cynthia Barroclough at 46 Winifred Gardens to put tea on - for 44,700 please - round about 2:50pm okay?

Won't someone PLEASE think of the children!!!

Cillit Bang Crew 'ere - teaming up wit da 1001 crew. You Stains gonna get cleaned up

I ought to warn you that overnight myself and other neighbours formed the Wheatsheaf Lane Militia with the full intention of defending our properties by all means necessary.
My next-door neighbour, in a moment of MacGyver-come-A-Team inspiration, locked himself in the shed with just his MG Maestro, a welding kit and some spare sheets of iron and has now created a most formidable fully armoured water-melon launcher.
I myself have just been down to Argos and bought a brand new set of kitchen knives and eight Elizabeth Duke sovereign rings - one for each finger. I also bought two new handheld whisks - I am lethally good at creating baked goods, but with my Moulinex in each hand I will mince up any trouble-making upstarts like that evil robot in the film The Black Hole.
I also had a phonecall of reassurance from Ali G to say that they will be parking their pimped up Vauxhall Nova's in front of our homes to form a 'bad-boy motor barricade'.
See you on the frontline - just don't step on the pansies.
Wini.

Please don't start without me, I'm stuck at an airport in the middle of Chechnya.

Bloody Ryanair.

“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea.”

Tell you something if those louts touch Mrs Biggins at number 42 hedge or her shrubs they will have me to answer to and they wont want that I'll tell you.

I'm genuinely terrified. Why can't they all just behave themselves? Staines has always been such a lovely place. I hope it gets rained off.

I am a resident local of wheatsheaf lane (I dont want to say exactly where I live, for my own safety), but I have heard that ticketless fans will break into back gardens, and climb onto the surrounding houses rooftops to watch the game, who knows what will happen?.

Please everyone, please keep your families safe, and animals and children indoors, and if you have any elderly relatives who live in the vicinity, maybe orginise someone to be with them the day of the game?..Or better still, get them out of the area the day of the game.

Hi people of Staines, I'm Chuck Norris. You may remember me from such facts as "There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live." and "When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down." But I say to you: GET OUT NOW, WHILE YOU STILL CAN! Even I cant help you against the Millwall hores.

One of the lesser known Chuck Norris facts is that when Chuck Norris does a typo they reset the Oxford English Dictionary accordingly. So the new authorised spelling of hordes is hores.

I will be breaking in peoples gardens and climbing onto roofs to watch the game, would prefer if back gates are open t make this easier. I will be bringing my own ladder. Thanks

hmmmmm - Garlic!!!

Don't fret residents of Staines, the Staines CUC will be out in force on the day.
We will be mob handed guarding our manor from the cockney scum. We have all 7 lads out for this one, we will be drinking round the ground early doors, and we will be ready! We even have the local gangsters supplying us with tools, Ali and his boys know local pride is at stake and have a score to settle with the Richardsons.
You Millwall boys are gonna get marked. We will run you all the way back to South London, 'Staines are gonna get ya, Staines are gonna get ya, Staines are gonna get ya...."

I hate pretty gardens, im going to smash your pansies!

In 1972 a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn’t commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team.”

You Millwall thugs think you can come over 'ere and trample all over us well you've got another thing coming. The roses have mobbed up and the fuschias will be picking you off one-by-one.

We are not going to be watered for 5 days before the match. WATCH OUT!!!!!!

We will be in Staines early doors.

Meeting in the North Star on Kingston Road.

All the Roader loons are coming, even Mad Frank as the Arsenal are away.

I am fully trained in the ancient noble of art of finger killing and will not hesitate to use it on any Millwall ruffian who thinks my front garden is the local urinal. However if anyone of you happens to be a plumber would you mind knocking on my door and giving me an estimate for the installation of a new bath and toilet we are thinking of getting for next Easter when our daughter Lois visits us from Uganda with her 2 husbands and 9 children. Thank you.

Sacrifice your puppies and I will see to it that rain will fall.

Staines v Millwall - Sat 18th November (or Monday night if wet). How does THAT sound?

Wait what?? There's a football game on the 28th as well? I thought we were just going down Wheatsheaf Lane to smash the place up. Why does football always have to get in the way of violence. What's next? Facts getting in the way of journalism? Journalists should be able to scaremonger without having to look at the facts. Its P.C gone mad.

I'm infuriated that this is going to be happening on our doorstep.

If Millwall fans want to beat Chelsea fans up then surely there are ones closer to Staines that they can beat up instead?

It's all so over the top, I'm so angry I'm going to tut all the way through The Archers....

make no mistake this one is gonna be pwoper pwoper nawty. so nawty that i am turning up wiv me mate woss kemp. he is pwoper ard and wont take no nonsense from any tweatment or f twoop i tell yer.

Don't worry residents of Wheatsheaf Rd. I too am a proud 'Stainer' and chairperson of the Wheatsheaf Evergreen and Ecological Stainers (WEE Stainers). there will plenty of WEE Staines in visible sight next Saturday, Mrs Cunningham and hubby Michael in particular. My son Graham, who incidentally is a big Staine is a Community Support Officer. He told me yesterday that him and his best friend 'Specky' are more than ready for 700 Millwall louts. The CSO's are well respected nationwide and the only reason they are not real police is because they don't like paperwork.
Graham has even been given a walky talky. Incidentally Graham is no pushover - he ran the Staines half marathon in 2 hrs and 36 minutes.

Staines will be very, very sorry when my mob roll into town.

-General, Bushwhackers Mechanized Division

Don't worry Millwall we will be waiting for you

Be afraid be very afraid!

Hope there's not a replay or Walworth Road will resemble Beruit by the time we have finished with the NTO

Bring it on!

I've just bought a Christmas tree early from B&Q, but after this "football match" is played I'm not sure if there'll be a Christmas. Are the police just going to let these Millwall thugs come and ruin our one christian festival we have? How am I going to look my kids in the eye and tell them that Santa won't be coming down the chimney this Christmas because some Millwall hooligan has nicked my fire place and used it to chuck at our Goalkeeper? It's an absolute disgrace. I mean the council let all the other religious festivals go ahead, so why cancel Christmas just because of a small minority?

I have just attended an emergency meeting for consultants and managers at the Ashford St. Peters hospital.

All leave has been cancelled due to the possibility of casualties on a large scale. At the moment we are trying to bring in blood and plasma and we are also cancelling all non-routine operations for a week either side of the game.

I would advise residents of Wheatsheaf lane to sandbag doors and windows, and barricade themselves inside their house with tinned foodstuffs and boiled water in case of interruption to the mains supply.

I would also suggest that they procure for themselves buckets of sand for extinguishing incendiary devices together with towels and tourniquets to stem bleeding.

Good luck to you all.

We love you Staines

Any Millwall thug who interferes with my wifes bush will have me to answer to.

I love the smell of napalm on a Saturday lunchtime.....

Incoming wounded...

We're gonna need a bigger boat......

I'd just like to remind residents in Wheatsheaf Lane that parking any kind of vehicle in your rear garden is a breach of the road traffic act 1966 and would result in a fixed penalty notice. I personally will be attending a grenade diversity training course that weekend but our community officers will be available to give commendations for the best use of weapons of mass destruction, and geraniums.

Staines away will be far more fightening than even Budapest. And you thought you saw me cry a lot in Hungary!

We just hope all those naughty wall boys leave at least one house standing with power and a phoneline. How else will we get past another saturday without the wheatsheaf rd voters?

Louie louie.........

Staines survived WW2 bombing and a plane crash im sure a few millwall hoodlums shouldnt pose too many problems

Wheatsheaf Lane is going end up looking like Gaza by the time we've finished, this will be the new Luton.

WE ARE EVIL

Mmmmm kids

Where's me leathers?

I've just cacked into a pair of brand new Asda knickers thinking about this. Thank you very much and I hope you're happy with yourselves, bunch of ruffians.

I've often wondered where they would have been? If we hadn't had taken them in! We fed them, washed them thousands in Glasgow alone ! From Ireland they came, brought us nothing but trouble and shame ! The Famine is Over, Why Dont They Go Home?

Early intelligence suggest that gangs of Millwall thugs will be concentrating their efforts of Mrs J Hutt's house in Wheatsheaf Road and especially her car.

We advise all residence to run for their lives because that's what we normally do when the Bushwackers turn up.

Further to the correspondence Reference 4/1972683 with Mr Peter Samuelson, the right honourable Staines Police brigade URBAN DIVISION, a warning of gas ships along the Thames preventing Tower Bridge occupation as a result of Millwall Football Club's arrival has been submitted to all local authorities and district commanders in the Surrey, Thames Estuary, locality. The invasion will only become apparent when the allegation from a nuance illustrating YOU PULL THE LIONS TAIL YOU GET BITTEN.

Im just glad my ford cortine estate will be well out of the way hidden! i woudnt want any of these vile millwall maniacs anywhere near it

I would like to assure 'Concerned Resident' that the impending leave booked by 8 members of my Mountain and Arctic Warfare Cadre for the weekend of 28th November should pose no cause for concern.

I am sure the fact that all eight are Millwall fans as well as experienced free climbers is just a coincidence. I am also certain that the absence of GPS navigation aids, large scale maps of the area surrounding the stadium and 8 thermos flasks with matching directors chairs also poses no cause for concern.

There is just the remotest possibility that you might find these men vaulting your B&Q fences and scrambling up your wisteria at some point before the game.

Please do not be alarmed. My men are good with children and they only kill pets when they've run out of 'Meals Ready to Eat (sic.)

I am sure that they would want me to pass on their good wishes to the residents of Wheatsheaf Lane and Sgt. Crampon takes tea with three sugars.

Thank you so much.

Jenny has left me and she's taken the car, thank you Millwall.

Im boarding my windows up as heard that f-troop,treatment,halfwayline,bushwackers are all coming to attack us!! ive got 999 on speed dial

USA USA USA

USA USA USA.

Hey guys, the New York Yankees are flying!!!!

god help any public sector workers who live there. i'll rob them blind and share their pensions out with my hard done by friends in the banking sector. gordon browns a c--- etc etc etc etc ad nauseum....

God Save The Queen.

Well im a face down the bridge and me & my mate mike hunt, the appy ammer, wont let you boys steam roll your way through wheatsheaf lane make no mistake.

Welcome to hell boys...

I lost my bus pass yesterday. If anyone from Millwall finds it would they please hand it in at the local Lidle store in the High Street where i will be working in the frozen foods section that morning.I'm willing to offer a pack of 10 Birds Eye Fish Fingers with added omega, as an award.

Can I cut and paste this very article in my post?

I am going to dig up the flowers in my front garden and put them in the back. I dont want those pesky South Londeners peeing on my beef curtonias.

I will compile a graph on all these comments.

Is there any chance we can all get along? Maybe the MSC could hold a quiz night?

actually Im Trev from Rotherhithe but this name is better dont you think

The tigers mauled the Lions. I have the youtube proof if needed.

grrrrrrr!!!!!!

Any crayons?

My sphinkter just got turned inside out by those Ghastly Priests.

can everybody on here who posted send me a quid? it's for the rescue staines fund after it's demolished, I volunteered to hold the money.

it's Dave from New Cross actually, but this name sounds better!

Hi big AA here we are going take the Wheatsheaf Lane end and beat the granny out of you all WHO R YA

PS. ALL BANNING ORDERS WILL BE LIFTED ON THE DAY FOR MILLWALL FANS WELCOME BACK.

FAO Mr Hutt,
As your wife has left you do you need a shoulder massage?

Thanks Andy

I'm off round to see Arthur Roundbottom's wife

Oi, Bill Henderson, I do the fuggin' graphs around here, alright?

I have not seen anywhere in these comments regarding who is bringing the charile.

We can't go smashing up houses and cars with out a cheeky line.

Alright Lads. Good to see so many old faces on here. For those of you that sent good wishes whilst I was away. Cheers. To those that didn't, I know who you are.

I've just had my case reviewed and I've been released from Broadmoor on condition that I take my medication. I dunno where it is at the moment, but I'm sure it will turn up.

Anyway, I enjoyed myself there and I even got an OU degree.

I feel so much calmer now and I can control my anger so much better. The only thing that gets my goat is the petty-minded prejudices of people who dwell behind the net curtains of suburbia.

It's enough to make me have a relapse.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll be fine on the 28th and if I need same water to take my tablets with I'm sure one of the kind residents of Wheatsheaf Lane will be able to oblige.

Let's hope so.

If any of you see Ryan can you tell him Im looking for him.

I live dounn Wheatsheaf Lane and will be on my look out known trouble makers from millwall and will do my best to fit them up for the good residents of stains but i must add my record of getting a result in court is not very good in fact its nill.

I'm so confident that our supporters won't do anything at Staines, so confident infact that if they do I'll run around stark bo**ock naked.

Mick the Machete,
just the sort we need down the den we have some spare seasons ticket for you and your mates if you like.

Banned Millwall Fan, Welcome back my son just make sure you show at stains OK big boy.

I'm the oracle around here and nobody has the balls to challenge me. Least of all Staines.

That's it. First Slough and now this. I'm gonna close Millwall down before it happens again. Can't believe I've had to come back to do this but there you are.

FAO Mrs Hutt.
As you are now a free agent can I put my lttle pecker on your shoulder please.

I'm gutted i've no chance of getting a ticket for this game, but that ain't stopping me as i've never nicked a car in Staines before and apparently thers going to be loads around the back.
Happy days!!

Even im going to this one im well up for it.

Anyone want a lift to Staines? This games dead.

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

and for that reason i am out.

Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.

and for that reason i am out.

Can anyone suggest a decent haircut as my 'bowl on head and trim the rest' is causing me to lose friends?

Thanks in advance.

BANG! And the Staines are gone!!

Did anyone see the queen's speech.

I so preferred it when Tony was there.

Peter looked dashing and I think the new policies were just what a divided britain needs.

The residents of Staines are to blame for this.
You have been flaunting the trappings of capitalism and treading down the working classes for too long.

Damn, Jenny hasn't left me shae was just hiding the car, she wants to know if you boys require any nibbles?

Is it pay on the day?

The superior man, when resting in safety, does not forget that danger may come. When in a state of security he does not forget the possibility of ruin. When all is orderly, he does not forget that disorder may come. Thus his person is not endangered, and his States and all their clans are preserved.

so be sure to board up all your windows and go out for a long drive on saturday.

just grow up all of you. its not big and its not clever. i shall be tracking donw all of these ip adresses and issuing banning orders to you all. especially you cheesefinger - we thought we had seen the last of you.

Would residents please be vigilant and look-out for a big bloke walking around with a machete mumbling about lost medication and the wrongs of suburbia and net curtains.

i WILL BE IN ATENDENCE AT THE STAINS GAME ONLY IF ITS A REPLY AND A NIGHT GAME I WILL AROUND THE BACK WAITING FOR MRS HUNT TO PARK THE CAR.

forgot to say, I'm not against the idea of watersports

Anyone got a number for the witness protection programme?

I take it you Millwall fans want your homemade grenade back?

God help the good residents of Staines if Mick the Machett ever gets there. The last time I saw him he bit out my eye chewed it up then spat it out into my mother in laws pint. Having him as my best man that day was the highlight of my wedding day. The wife still laughs out loud when she watches the wedding video and see her mum spit out my eye as she gulps back her pint of Tetlys. Stupid cow.

See, it's obvious. When they drew these two teams out of the hat, they should have put the balls back in again.

People of staines fear not. This scaremongering would never have happened in my day.

nyone with hurt feelings please feel free to pop round to my rather big house for tea and cakes.

Joob-a-joob joob joob

Nitto you sighs...

A couple of years ago we knocked Millwall out of the FA Cup..

A week later, my house was burgled..

Bit of a coincidence......

I hear Clarksons gonna go to this game. People(ish things) of Staines Jezza's gonna get ya and then laugh at your new cars diesel engine!

Just say no

My goal is simple. It is a complete understanding of the universe, why it is as it is and why it exists at all.

my other goal is to secure a place on the fun bus with O T Aitch for the big game in Staines

Rumour has it Millwall 'Fans' ate Freddie Starr...

Bonkers

I ate Freddie's chocolate starfish.

As i only comes from sarf lundun I aint nefer seen no flars mate so I mites be havin to take sum ome from dem nice gardins efery ones talkin bout in wheatsheaf lane

I vent the wrath of Thor upon thee Staines. When Saturday 28th comes be wise and hide for Thor the Terrible will be reaping a fury of hell and damnation upon your pebble-dashed domiciles.

i cant believe how OTT the local houseowners have gone about this its only millwall vs staines not millwall vs west ham for god sake!

Hey There, how, how’s it going?
Long time no see.
I know I haven’t been around much lately
But…it didn’t seem like you wanted me to be
The last time I sent down a message you nailed it to the cross
So I figured I’d just leave you to it, let you be your own boss

But I’ve been keeping an eye on you, I have,
and it’s amazing how you’ve grown.
With your technological advances and the problems you’ve overthrown,
And all the beautiful art you’ve created with such grace and such finesse,
But I admit there are a few things I’m afraid have impressed me less.

So I’m writing to apologize for all the horrors committed in my name,
Although that was never what I intended,
I feel I should take my share of the blame.
All the good I tried to do was corrupted
when organised religion got into full swing,
What I thought were quite clear messages were taken to unusual extremes.
My teachings taken out of context to meet the agendas of others,
Interpretations taken to many different ways and hidden meanings discovered

Religion became a tool, for the weak to control the strong
With all these new morals and ethics, survival of the fittest was gone
No longer could the biggest man simply take whatever he needed
‘cause damnation was the price if certain rules were not heeded
Some of the deeds committed in my name
just made me wonder were I went wrong.
Back at the start when I created this, the foundation seemed so strong.
See all the elements were already here, long before I began,
I just kind of put it all together
I didn’t really think out a long-term plan.

I made the sun an appropriate distance and laid the stars across the sky
So you could navigate the globe or simply watch the sun rise
I covered the earth with plants and fruits,
Some for sustenance and some for beauty
I made the sun shine and the clouds rain
so their maintenance wasn’t your duty
I tried to give each creature its own attributes
without making them enveloped
I gave you all you all your own space to
grow and in your own way space to develop

I didn’t know such development would cause rifts and jealousy
Cause you to war against each other and leave marks on this planet indelibly
You see, I wasn’t really the creater, I was just the curator of nature
I want to get something straight with homosexuals right now: I don’t hate ya
I was a simple being that happened to be the first to wield such powers
I just laid the ground, it was You that built the towers

It was You that invented bombs, and the fear that comes with them
And it was You that invented money, and the corrupt economic systems
You invented terms like just-war and terms like friendly fire
And it was You that didn’t know
when to stop digging deeper, when to stop building higher
It was You that exhausted the resources I carefully laid out on this earth,
And it was You that even saw these
problems coming but accredited them little worth
It was You that used my teachings for your own personal gain
And it was You that committed such tragedies,
even though they were in my name

So I apologize for any mistakes I made, and when my words misconstrued
But this apology’s to mother nature, cause I created you

I'm running naked down Wheatsheaf Lane if Millwall win, that'll scare you. I'm out.

Luckily i got a funeral to go to that day, thank god!!!

This is going to be biblical

It'll be like Shindlers list all over again

I'm off the Israel, sod this lark

Luke Skywalker: You will bring Captain Solo and the Wookiee to me.

Jenny Hutt: Your mind powers will not work on me boy.

Luke Skywalker: Nevertheless, I'm taking Captain Solo and his friends. You can either profit by this or be destroyed. It's your choice, but I warn you not to underestimate my power.

...DER DER - DUR DUR DUR DER DER - DUR DUR DUR DER DER - DUR DUR DUR DUR

Good afternoon gardeners!

I was surfing the St.Peter's Heaven-net earlier and I saw this disturbing article.

I am sure that the vandals that decimated the Blue Peter garden all those years ago were Millwall thugs. We couldn't prove anything but Biddy Baxter had her suspicions.

Anyway, I would advise all keen gardeners in Wheatsheaf Lane to take precautions. Remove all pots and planters to a safe storage area in case they are used as missiles.

Cover your lawns with hardboard sheeting in case their luxuriant appearance is spoiled by being trampled by 1400 Doc Marten boots.

Stake any new saplings firmly to prevent them being snapped off and as burning torches to set light to vulnerable buildings.

Finally I would consider hiring an indoor aquarium if you have fish in an outdoor pond. These are at particular risk on being urinated or defaecated in.

Good luck all you gardeners of Staines. I will leave you with Percy's tip of the week.

'Now is the time to clean out and sterilise your greenhouse and remove any old pots and seed trays ready for early sowing of tomatoes in January'

Your dad always said that one day Del Boy would reach the top. Then again, he always said Millwall wouldn't smash up Wheatsheaf Lane!

BREAKING NEWS: Millwall 'fans' hi-jack somali priate ship & set sail for Staines..

I'm right up for this one, me and the North London MFC supporters club.

The game against Staines symbolises the classic FA Cup rhetoric of David against Goliath and harks back to the 1970s and the days of Ronnie Radford and real cup giant-killings.

The whole response to this story has been interesting, like a modern day cry wolf situation for the consumption of the masses.

Will it mark a turning point in inter-club relations between Millwall and their non-league counterparts?

Or will it be a significant step forward in the long-awaited social revolution to regain ownership of OUR game and for OUR club?

The jury is out.

stupid micro-hair tattoo advert. people behind me think im looking some gay advert went i submit a comment!

no job too small. we repair windows, roofs and totally rebuild houses.

Up the Boro

Sham don't give Mozzer a ticket for the Staines games, he's nothing at ours.

He's a Scarfer.

My phone hasn't stopped ringing. How many more times? I'm an advisor, not a dealer.

Are you lot really going to smash Mrs hunts back doors in ?

I can see the post-match headlines now.
"MILLWALL FANS RIOT - CAUSE MILLIONS OF POUNDS OF IMPROVEMENTS"

Them 'wall mob best not trample on my flower beds or there will be BIG consequences!

Nobody puts Jenny Hutt in the corner.

Poor Vesper was libelled and branded Mr 666 by the Bermondsey Male Choir (aka John Davies the Millwall season ticket holder)on the Millwall messageboard www.hof.org.uk.

Vesper is pleading not guilty and he would ask the people of Staines to say a 999 prayer for him.

John Davies has also supported the BNP leader Nick Griffin on the Millwall messageboard www.hof.org.uk and the Roman Catholic Dean of Bexley Father Finigan has published the case for the defence on his blog The hermeneutic of continuity.

At the next General Election former Met Police Inspector Michael Barnbrook, the BNP's Police Spokesman, will be standing as a candidate for MP in Our Lady of the Rosary's Parish, Blackfen, which is in the late Sir Edward Heath's Old Bexley & Sidcup constituency.

Our Lady of the Rosary pray for us in BNP leader Nick Griffin MEP's EU/GLA/LDA/ODA NEO-NAZI DEVELOPMENT TIMES Amen

Some say I am the double of Terry Hurlock but my stubble is more manly than his. FACT

We need a 12th man for this one.
Come on, where are yer!!!

I blame the parents

Don't worry residents of Wheatsheaf Lane, if there is any damage to your houses, or cars, then a trip to poundstretcher with £10 should cover all brand spanking new replacement items, and you should still be able to walk out with £8 change. Then just do the usual, and nip down to Tesco, and drown your sorrows with some vintage, delicious white lightning. Just think of Millwall supporters as your friends

I live in Staines and have wet myself three times already just Reading this article. God knows what I'll be like on the day of the match.

At my signal. Unleash HELL!

You should be scared - I was scared and I've got tatoos on my teeth

I was at the Alamo in '54, Paschendaele in '17, but facing the German machine Guns will be a cakewalk compared to facing 700 Millwall fans armed to the teeth with programs and chicken&ham pies.

Millwall killed my Mother, and raped my Father!

It's all your own fault. If you'd listened to me and everyone had ID cards everything would be ticketee-boo. Who's laughing now Staines, eh, eh?

Must dash that Pamelan Bordes needs another servicing.

Cheerio working class peasants.

Sham
Dont listen to Laggers, he's only been wall once and lives in a box room at his nans in Gillingham.
I can proper have it.

Even i'm not going to this one, Budapest was bad enough

Oh as if the Millwall fans are going go round causin mayhem round staines, just cos you get a few hooligans around you get them everywhere and shouldn't tarnish everyone with the same brush..

anyway up the staines go on boys you can do it!!

Millwall- WHO ARE YA WHO ARE YA

im well up for this one, me and my mate nick griffin will be there. But you wont see us we're wearing disguises.

you go girlfriend - tell it like it is out here in da hood.

we is gonna go toe to toe on the cobbles wiv dem berms wiv perms

any chance i can come round and hide in your back passage fr the duration of the game please - i am actually bricking it.

Looks like I've got plenty of material this week...

Well I've got staines on my teeth..

sure thing its the hood ain't it brappp up the staines...and no mate no one hides in my back passage..
i be out in front cheerin on our boys gonna smash the millwall! u better believe it boyyy..

One ought never to turn one's back on a threatened danger and try to run away from it. If you do that, you will double the danger. But if you meet it promptly and without flinching, you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never!

He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!

are you in london or wales

Anyone need a haircut?

freedom for all ginger swimmers to post anywhere

up the staines y front youth league

bring it on

Anyone here got a drink problem?

I'm from Brockley and Millwall is my local team innit. Brockley is well famous for a couple of mini roundabouts that look like a pair of old ladies breasts.
Do any old people live on Wheatsheaf Rd?

Jenny Hutt, this is your life.

Citizens of Staines: You have nothing to fear. We have them surrounded. You are safe and protected. The Millwall hordes will soon surrender.

Don't worry Stains of Staines it will be GROOVVYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. HARRY POTTER. XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tarmac your windows? £50.

im going poo in jenny hutts garage so she as to leave her car outside

Jools Holland. Golden. You want some Stuwall? DO ya? Golden mate. Mmmmmmmm Dire stRais.

HOLLAND? HOLLAND? BEER MATE. beer. What? Golden mate. Golden. YOu WANT SOME? STU?

The Faces? Roling Tsones? BIG LIPS?Beer? Tramps juice mate leave off it. Golden. We're all 'wall here. Milllllllllllll. Golden.

Whats the male facebook situation over in Staines please?

Sod locking up your daughters i'd be more worried to lock up your sons

Its just my daughter wants first crack at them before the other 699 cronies arrive on matchday.

Lions,
Lions,
L-L-L-L-L.....
WAR!

Listen ere all you wall fans, poor Winny had herself an accident last week,her catheter overflowed on match day and flooded the pitch,let poor winny alone
in case she unleashes more than pee on the pitch!!!!

wanna see my pom pomms?

any staines chaps want to meet up and have a drink, something to eat, come back to my place let me know

are there any junior schools near the ground?

You Staines lot came down and gave it at Welling on Saturday - everybody knows it's 'wall stronghold these days for everybody who isn't Real Wall that is.

I distinctly heard one of yours say "Welling has a nice, leafy, middle class suburban feel, but it has limited shopping possibilities and the new Morrisons isn't going to improve that."

That is bang out of order. It's akin to mugging off our top boy, Grandad.

I'm gonna run a Supermarket Sweep around your Waitrose to leave my mark. I may even pick up one of those inflatable bananas - perfect for the FA Cup - before I torch the place.

I bring many warrior from Mongol Steps. Jenny Hutt, of Wheatsheaf Lane, I will ride back you two bob motor to Ulaanbaatar. No garage stop me!

First Asia, then Europe, now Wheatsheaf Lane. 28th November will be glorious day for Mongol nation.

I will be stealing ladies knickers from the washing lines on Wheatsheaf Lane, sniffing them and then throwing them onto the pitch in an effort to disrupt the game.

Proper Millwall dont have tear ups in the streets and smash things. Proper Millwall sit in pubs talking about how it was much better in the old days, how these youngsters dont know they were born and how disgraceful it is that Bobby Moore wasnt sent to jail. The thief

Female friends and female children of staines i have an under ground shed to protect you From this horrible lot of rampaging Londoners oops mean Kent lot.I have bread and honey and a radio to listen to the game and a twister set if any ones up for it hit me back just chat.

WHERE LIONS DARE

"Broadsword calling Danny Boy,Broadsword calling Danny Boy.Over"

"Danny Boy calling Broadsword.Father Macrae is here"

"Broadsword,this is Father Macrae.Have you managed to find cover?What is your position.Over"

"I'm concealed deep in Jenny Hutt's bush.Over"

"Any problems with the locals?"

"Dibble the gardener offered to show me his peonies - so I shot him.Over"

"Good man,Broadsword.Reinforcements are on their way to Wheatsheaf Lane.Good luck.Over and out"

Hi lions fans we offer a relaxed exotic massage in comfortable surroundings above the chicken cottage on staines high street we supply free drinks ie tea/coffee also we do reasonable rates for OAPS on matchdays call me on 01932 561111 ask for mark goode.

P.S Please bring your own lube and sandwiches.

Hi lions fans we offer a relaxed exotic massage in comfortable surroundings above the chicken cottage on staines high street we supply free drinks ie tea/coffee also we do reasonable rates for OAPS on matchdays call me on 01932 561111 ask for mark goode.

P.S Please bring your own lube and sandwiches.

I is AFC Millwell untied biggest fan and iam coming down to brocku up peeps.No need to lock up your daughters tho my pops the night stalker has been nicked.But i was down the dell with my belt last week and the Millwell lot is well nasty.We are evil.We are millwell we are millwell super millwell from the delllllll.

This is going to be great.... after 17 years inside I am looking forward to this one...17 years of pent up fury.. totally over the top sentence for just a basic 3 person mutilation and torture if you ask me...daily bum rape from the screws from Staines...how they laughed and cheered as the tears rolled down my face...well here I come Wheatsheaf lane... I have nothing left to live for apart from my beloved Millwall and my WW1 bayonet collection.., raping and pillaging Staines will be my swansong... see me on the news...AAAAAVVVVVV IIITTTT!!!!! AAAaaarrrggghhhhhhh....

Ethel at No2 and my rear garden overlook the pitch, do you think our backdoors are safe?

Somebody is going to get the sack or a pay rise for this haha i love it never has the laleham/staines news had so many hits big ,lol

btw. Wheatsheaf Lane have a tasty old firm called the zimmers be on your guard before the match and dont get to close to mrs hutts hedge you have be warned.

local boy.

There will be claret.I can promise you that us millwall commies lead by the bermondsey male Starlin is a nut job and hates right wing teams like yourselves.I can look after the black and Asian people of staines but white folks you will have to go it alone

Iam sorry kitty but your backdoors never safe when iam around.

Never fear Staines - SHOWOFF'S here!

I will protect you from the hooligans. I have already saved a small Indonesian village from fire, an old lady from walking in front of a train and many other deeds. I ask for no help, no money and no praise just remember the unselfish act I do to save you from evil.
Who am I? I am discreet and you may not recognise me but I will be wearing a Fila Tracksuit top, Lois jeans and a pair of Diadora Elites.

Please call me at....

Showoff's car and house window repair.

Google it!

Thank you and good luck.

You were only supposed to blow Jenny Hutts doors off!!!

Look at the state of her garage now.

I am coming out to you all now im GAY i always knew i was its just so hard to tell people or except it. I get the right popcorn when I'm online with the boys you know what i mean lads. So anybody that knows me IM OUT NOW AND PROULD SO SING IF YOUR PROULD TO BE GAY SING IF YOUR HAPPY THAT WAY LLLLLLLA

I've been dead 2 days and someone's not only taken the D's from my name, but they've bumped me from the front page over some hoodlums possibly nicking a car?

Get over yourself, the Equaliser never thought this way and neither should you, people of Staines, I pity thee.

Now, where's that Derek B gone with my harp?

Ah there you are showoff my little cutie pie - we have a job to do in the cellar darling - I have got some of that Orange lube that you liked last time.

JACKAL........you mug.

Show your mush in Staines eh son.

Mrs Slocombe at number 32. Please make sure your two old cats Henry and Tibbles are locked safely indoors. My Millwall friends have been known to travel away and eat pussies. And please remember to keep your cat flaps shut.

Staines Fans... a word of warning.
Millwall fans try to catch out opposition fans they have confronted who are not wearing their 'colours' by asking questions such as, "Who is the Millwall goalie?"
Instead of pretending to have forgotten who it is reply, "Is the answer 'Who'?" which technically could be accepted as a correct answer and should let you off the hook scott free.

By the rivers of Babylon
Where he sat down
And there he wept when he remembered Zion.

Oh from wicked, carry us away from captivity
Required from us a song
How can we singing out for song in a strange land.

So let the words of our mouth
And the meditations of our hearts
Be acceptable in thy sight
O-verride

By the rivers of Babylon
Where he sat down
And there he wept when he remembered Zion.

Oh from wicked, carry us away from captivity
Required from us a song
How can we singing out for song in a strange land.
How can we singing out for song in a strange land.

Forgot to mention - if there are any gay Ali G lookalikes out there please respond as I like it up the chitter (o)

I would like you all to know i have moved house and sold the car and do not live in Wheatsheaf Lane anymore as for mrs Barnett she lives at number 12 and is a right old bike she was the one that said all these bad things about millwall not me or my husband Bert he was in the war you know.

Lord Kitchener, you should be ashamed of yourself, Ethel is most upset by your comments and says we should take extra precautions, she's got an extra bolt on now and i've ordered some large tubs of lubricant.

And i lost my dolphin.

Anybody need a moody for the game ? we are printing up 1000 tickets for the game in Mrs hutts house just knock on her back doors singing eio eio with your trousers round your ankle's before the match and its sorted.

Someone be my friend, PLEASE!

Who is this Jenny Hutt, boys? I thought you only had eyes for me, even if I am west ham... I'm heartbroken. I thought me and Nezley had a future.

Well, well what have we here, its a local news story gone mad, what next killer microwave ovens stalking Friends Walk? Mutated grannies impaling passersby with sharpened walking sticks whilst singing the National anthem backwards?? I need a lie down

Total Carnage your a mug go away you grass you carry on and i will let them all know what you did.

OI ALI G YOUR GONNA GET CUT!!!...MIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi guys iam really looking forward to next week. I hear you have a lot of asian women there or is that Slough.
Iam sorry my naughty, i mean bad.

Its an ill wind which blows from Coldblow Lane to Wheatsheaf Lane, you Staines types wont know what has hit you when the wall come to town. Luton in the 80's? this will be ten times worse. We now have a crack geriatric division who look old, meek and mild but once inside the ground they will unleash mayhem with their razor tipped rattles and pukka pie guns

Yes i will be their family and i want to reasure the good people of staines there will be no bother from any of us.
We will have in our Possesion a variety of "Nibbles" to see us through the day ie Gherkins,Peanuts,
Scotch Eggs,Pickled Onions, salt and vinegar crisps etc.
These will not be used as missles i can assure you , we are just out for a Pleasant day out Your Gardens, cars and houses are in no danger from us

Now the Rocket Launcher........

It was reet petite, kinda love you got knocks me off my feet.

Miguel,
Sorry love - cant do tonight - the Mrs is getting supsicious when I come home with a sore arris. Keep that lube on ice though - we'll be at it again soon petal.

Staines residents we have recorded your high pitched squealing over the last few days and on the morning of the match it will be played over the tannoy of the den to drive every stray dog in south London onto buses and trains to poo on your doorsteps and chew the corners of your telegraph.

Most of my mates are in the Met.

Just a thought, but maybe the police could use Jedward singing as some kind of psychological warfare tool in case the fans get a bit restless, then again that could just cause a riot...

Really Carnage,
Can I have their numbers please - I sooooo love a man in uniform.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Mr Cabbage is a c u next tuesday

I am so glad I live in Weybridge now! we have none of this nonsense there you know. The working man of Weybridge knows his place is on the Grotty estate or polishing my Bentley, and too bloody right I say!

My only advice to the poor residents of Wheatsheaf Lane is this, as Corporal Jones used to say "They dont like it up em!"

Or maybe Frazer was right "Were doomed, all doomed"

Now then now then all you lovely residents of Wheatsheaf Lane, dont forget, goodness gracious, clunk click on every trip whether its round to Mrs Hutts back doors or a ride to Jersey. Lovely lovely lovely, be round to see you when you're dead Mrs Hutt, jingle jangle jingle jangle, bring your daughter to the slaughter. Oh, and we prefer them best when they're still warm.

Staines residents we have recorded your high pitched squealing over the last few days and on the morning of the match it will be played over the tannoy of the den to drive every stray dog in south London onto buses and trains to poo on your doorsteps and chew the corners of your telegraph.

Is there roomin the away end for my massive head?

Millpaul's a Mug, I only need to sell one more Bandit Country T-Shirt and I've got enough to get him Wacked.

I was thinking about coming over for the weekend. I see that Staines place is real close to the airport so I could be back home again for corn dogs on Saturday night.

All I ever wanted was to be mates with Millwall lads

Shall we do a poll on this?

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssssssssssssssssss

That Lagboat's a right snide and wrong'un. He ran my mate Picks off the Internet and shows me no respect. I'm so stressed I've lost all my hair and lost weight. Glad he's banned now, Young Chelsea and OBCC are easy. Lagboat was undoing me at the Seams regularly.

Shout out to Jackal, wxmddf, Northside & Co. and all the rest of the UAL (Unite Against Lagboat) firm.

Millwall are finished, I saw this lad called Bluewall at the EDL thing.

He was a right Wrong'un I was embarrased for his mates.

I recently moved into Penton Hook Rd and have just about had with the attention seeking 'net curtain twitching mafia' that exist on Wheatsheaf Lane. Well Mrs Hunt, I for one hope your back doors certainly get the full Millwall treatment. As for hiding your cars - Who'd want to nick those rust heaps ? As for a bit of wee etc on your pansies - What on earth do you think Manure is made from? I give up. Any way my back bedroom affords a perfect view of the ground and for £25 and all the canned beers you can drink I reckon I can fit about 6 of you up there. So long as you distribute your empties along the Wheatsheaf.

I hope it goes without incident. I dont want anyone standing on my Pink DMs and turn ups.

Dave Clark. Gay wall fanzine, Editor

...

Its only Millwall FFS, could be worse, could be playing Cardiff..

I want to smashed all over the gaff and covered in Staines I'm definately going.

I like blokes who Teach.

I heard LondonLion looked like a Geography Teacher can someone get me his number?

Don't tool up too early lads, there's a place near the station that stocks rebar.
We can use some short lengths for spears and the longer ones to `pole vault` the fences.

I would like to re-assure the Staines residents that every effort will be made to eradicate the mindless yobs that follow Millwall. We have been monitoring the behaviour of known Millwall hooligans and will detaining them for 48 hours whilst the match is on. We are monitoring several known thugs such as Millpaul, Dave Clarke, Herman, Bluewall, Jaywall, Northside and Lagboat. If any of these thugs even consider being near Staines on the date of the match then they may as well get used to sewing mailbags and learning how to pick soap up from the showers without exposing their balloon knots to the queens in Wormwood scrubs,

Don't worry me hearties, we're going in under the radar.
I've got us a boat to sail there, the OB won't suss that one out.

It's the Notorious L.A.G.B.O.A.T,
Strapped with 2 Glock 9s you see,
With Stainless Steel and Aluminium,
Wacker Youth we're killin' 'em,
Staines Massive are all Waste Men,
Sh00t Ali G with my Mac 10,
F**k with Millwall you'd be a fool,
We'd take you to School,
We'd Wreck, Wreckedy, Wreck you all,
Tec 9 emptying clips at your mob,
Squeese some cover fire for Ginger Bob,
We're Gs with no damage limitation,
Leaving you needing an Operation,
Rampaging like Grand Theft Auto on the Playstation.

*Makes fingers into S E sign*

I am bringing my finest crowbar and thanks to the lovely residents of Staines will no longer be looking round the front, but hunting round the back and in garages

Your Focus will be mine hahahahahahahaaaaa

I am bringing my finest crowbar and thanks to the lovely residents of Staines will no longer be looking round the front, but hunting round the back and in garages

Your Focus will be mine hahahahahahahaaaaa

I will be going to the game, can any one tell me what offers the burger bars around the ground have in the way of value meals. Or what one gives the best portions?

Can I bring my Chelsea mates that I never ever talk about?

I am looking forward to coming to staines.
1. to find ali's Julie
2. to run though the back gardens and wipe my arris on the whities on the line (give them a stain to be proud of)
3. to sell beetroot in the terraces :)

Signing off...

Mr Nibbles

Don't laugh, there are plenty of blokes with one hand who are well hard!

whose this doris saying i have a huge potato head?
i'm coming all the way from brugge for this game

i'm bringing my mum she likes to shop in london...whats the chocolate like around staines?

I plan to seriously do my nut that day. So watch it.

I'm taking my Digital Camera again to get some close ups.

I fancy myself as quite the photographer these days.

going to kick her (greenhouse) backdoors in and nick all her plant food

I plan to come back to life for this one. The Republican Guard will be running with F Troop for this. Make sure your household waste is properly sorted into green, orange and black bins as my boys are nutters.

Saddam the dog.

Yikes! I plan to burrow a little deeper in case I get cut into half and divide into two. I hear these Millwall are very handy like that.

People of Staines, we come to bury you, not praise you. We come armed, one on each shoulder, with clever sticks that come back to you when you throw them (saves having to fetch them again). Listen for the earie sound of the nightime didgeridoo and the wail of the nulla-nulla. Beware the deadly drop bears and bunyip that come out of the dark and devour your brains. Beware of...............oh, what the hell, I can't come, its too far.

I will let Jenny Hutt put her car in my big garage and she can hide in my swish grey curly hair....Calm down dears it's Millwall---Go on holiday, you may need one...

MILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

I dropped my toast reading these outrageous posts this morning and it landed butter side down. Never mind Sods Law I blame those Millwall rascals.

PLEASE! ALL YOU HOOLIGANS OF MILLWALL & STAINES(MAYBE NOT YOU LOT) STOP THIS VIOLENCE! I'M STAYING ALIVE FOR THIS GAME & I WILL BE THERE WITH THE OTHER 699 MILLWALL FANS & YES, I WILL BE FIGHTING! JUST DONT HURT THE WIFE.
MILLLLLLLLL!

is This Jenny Hutt related to Pizza Hutt. Just there's one in Staines High Street. Not just a cooincidence me thinks.

nick nick nick nick. me, chalky and the boys are gonna rock into staines nice and early, pitch up in the local wetherspoons. nice bit of cheap grub. then chalky, who is a proper gang star by the way, is gonna get his dominoes out and we are gonna mash t up big style. the staines crew wont know whats hit them. i may have to miss the 2nd half though as i have to be in brighton for panto practise at 6:30.

We don't like Millwall, but we're mobbing up with them for this.

Our aim is to use Wheatsheaf Lane for a massive game of `bin` football.

jim davidson said:
'nick nick nick nick. me, chalky and the boys are gonna rock into staines nice and early, pitch up in the local wetherspoons. nice bit of cheap grub. then chalky, who is a proper gang star by the way, is gonna get his dominoes out and we are gonna mash t up big style. the staines crew wont know whats hit them. i may have to miss the 2nd half though as i have to be in brighton for panto practise at 6:30.'

You are an 'addocks supporter. Leave us alone you poor excuse for a 'comedian'.

People of Staines,have no fear,I am Millwall through and through and I come only to rid you of your Elves and Goblins. One think to watch out for,keep your children locked up,no child is safe when The Apprentice and his pikey boyfriend Bill are about.

is it pay on the day?
is the jubilee line running?
their no,7 could do a job for us
morison your rubbish but you should get 8 against them
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOALLLLLLLLLL
YESSSSSSSSSSssssssssssss
neil harris is a legend i dont care hes slower then a pregnant snail and missed a sitter
labour left wing traitor

You ignorami deleted my comment, so I've got my wife and her typing wand to repost it

I've recently moved to Staines having come back from South Africa where my wife had both of her arms and one of her legs chopped off in a row over Hovis, and we moved back for the easy life.
Now you are seriously telling me that the Millwall ruffians are coming to visit, my stumpy bit of fluff is seriously considering putting her passport in her mouth and hopping to heathrow to get out of here.
Can the police do nothing?

Old people of Staines Town,beware of a tall lanky ginger kagool wearing scotsman travelling with the Millwall Hordes,he is after your incontinence pants and what you have in them!!!

Marmite, you coming in the sidecar up to Staines?

If I grow a few more feet can I join up with Ali and the Staines massive? Being a Paxo I should fit right in,Ali would think me putting me winky on his Julies shoulder would be well funny.

Booyaka in Tiger styleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

We're coming tooled up. You better watch out. Staines will be covered in balti pies come kick off.

And you thought the world was going to end in 2012?....Lock up ya flora and fauna people of Staines, Millwall are on a makeover mission.

This article has to be a windup, it makes me want to visit Wheatsheaf Avenue to see if anyone has actually boarded up8whxm their windows!

Don't worry, I can't see any trouble happening in Staines that day.

Actually, I honey-mooned at Staines, the Ann Bolyn Hotel. Yep, I remember Staines well, both of them!

Christ is the messiah "Jam lucis orto sidere" not me.

The following wicked www.hof.org.uk inspired post should be reported to Jonathan Mills at the FA, and to Danny Lynch at Kick it Out too:

kkk said:
im well up for this one, me and my mate nick griffin will be there. But you wont see us we're wearing disguises.

November 18, 2009 5:15 PM
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Of course my own mum knows that I have been a Millwall sinner in my lifetime, just as I know that she and my old dad made a few mistakes themselves. My Deptford half brother Terry Dempsey can confirm that.

I believe that you experience the supernatural when you dream i.e....

A SINNER'S DREAM OF MARY

When I was out a wandering upon the hills so green
I spied myself a vision of a bright celestial Queen

(Refrain)
A rosary,a rosary with rainbows all around
A blood red cross she gave to me upon that hallowed ground

She wore a crown of silver and in her arms she bore
A child who was the future of mans peace and not of war

(Refrain)
A rosary,a rosary with rainbows all around
A blood red cross she gave to me upon that hallowed ground

Corpus Christi woman was the lady that I saw
Build inside she said to me mans inner self once more

(Refrain)
A rosary,a rosary with rainbows all around
A blood red cross she gave to me upon that hallowed ground

‘Cardinal Newman pointed to the supernatural, he saw beyond the limited vision of others’.

Our Lady of the Rosary pray for us in BNP leader Nick Griffin MEP's EU/GLA/LDA/ODA NEO-NAZI DEVELOPMENT TIMES Amen

Half a league, half a league,
  Half a league onward,
All in Whatsheaf Lane
  Rode the seven hundred.
'Forward, the Millwall Brigade!
Charge for the guns' he said:
Into the valley of Death
  Rode the seven hundred.

'Forward, the Millwall Brigade!'
Was there a man dismay'd?
Not tho' the lions knew
  Some one had blunder'd:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die:
Into Whatsheaf Lane
  Rode the seven hundred.

Winifred Barnett to right of them,
Jenny Hutt to left of them,
Concerned anonymous residents in front of them
  Volley'd and thunder'd;
Storm'd at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
  Rode the seven hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
  All the world wonder'd.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Millwall Brigade,
  Noble seven hundred!

the game should be played during the week day when most millwall fans are at school.

'Del 2 said:
All I ever wanted was to be mates with Millwall lads'

Bloody 'ell!

I've heard rumours about a mascot they carry with them.

They say it's as big as four cats, and it's got a retractable leg so as it can leap up at you better and you know what, it lights up at night, and it's got four ears.

Two of them are for listening and the other two are kind of back-up ears, and it's claws are as big as cups and for some reason it's got a tremendous fear of stamps

Another resident was telling me that it's got magnets on it's tail so's if you're made out of metal it can attach itself to you, and instead of a mouth it's got four arses

Hi, I'm a lonley Belgian fantasist, I have been trawling the net talking to English football hooligans in the hope of finding a thug to love me.
Will there be any Staines fans who have room in their heart for a humungos headed freak?

Flanders is a nonce.....true story!!

Will these so called 'fans' be travelling by train come the day of the big match?

I find it sickening that our pictures & notepads will be ruined by these louts.

It will bring Total Carnage at HQ in Crewe because of these Showoffs and thass al there iss to it.

I would have though trouble was unlikely except in the unlikely even that Staines beat Milwall

FAO Hard One,
Right - as your inviting other people into your sidecar you will no longer ride me like the wild west - we are finished.

Miguel - I'm coming home baby. Get that Orange lube out.

Col Bufty-Tufton - Staines Militia speaks;

“Good afternoon, in less than two days, cars from here, the high street and all round Staines will launch the largest battle in the history of football…..

Football… The word has new meaning for us now. We are reminded not of our petty differences like those of the Staines horticulture festival organisers and the local WI mob – not of the Weathsheaf Residents Association nor the Stained bowling club (vets association)… but of our common interests.

Perhaps its fate the Saturday Nov 28th, we will one again be fighting for our freedom. Not from tyranny, persecution or oppression. But from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live... For on that day… the next round of the Cup will no longer be thought of as an English institution but as a day that all of mankind declared:

WE WILL NOT GO QUIETYLY INTO THE NIGHT!!!!

WE WILL NOT VANISH WITHOUT A FIGHT!!!!

WE WILL LIVE ON… WE WILL SURVIVE. “

Saturday 28th November is our INDY PANTS DAY!

By the way will Dr Claris pop round , my corns are playing havoc…

Watch out Staines - I hit pregnant women - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

i will eat your babies

I just cant wait to leave some stains on shoulderpads. In Staines. Praise Allah!

va va voom

Cut & paste, cut & paste,cut & paste,cut & paste,cut & paste,cut & paste.......

millwall iz the onz that should be scared! we are gonna batta u innit

I am going to write a book about this - praise allah.

staines lock up your daughters!!!

i run a window company and my brother has a garage.people of staines CALL ME MONDAY i'll be waiting

We are Eeeeeeevvvvvvviiiiiillllllll!

I wear Leather Gloves in the summer , i'm mad me.

bonk bonk bonk bonk bonkers

eye apolerjise for some of my fellow fans.thay are not as intellygent as myself and there punkchewashun is poor

good news everyone - DHL have just delivered the grenades and rockets for next weekend, lets have some cause chaos!!! eviiiillllllllllllllllll chaos!!!

When I wake up people take up mostly all of my time
I'm not singin', phone keep ringin' cos I make up a rhyme
I'm not braggin', people naggin' cos they think I'm a star
Always tearin' what I'm wearin', I think they're goin' too far
A girl named Carol follows Daryll every gig we play
Then D dissed her and dismissed her, now she's jockin' Jay
I ain't lyin', girls be cryin' cos I'm on TV
They even bother my poor father cos he's down with me

It's Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time
It's Tricky...(How is it?) Tricky (Tricky) Tricky (Tricky)
It's Tricky to rock a rhyme, to rock a rhyme that's right on time
It's Tricky...Tr-tr-tr-tr-tr-tricky (Tr-Tr-Tr-Tricky) Tr-tr-tr...

Pop into Mama's mobile sandwich stall located on Wheatsheaf Lane
, before the game for your favourite nibbles.

Will not be available during or after the match, due to expected violence outside Jenny's place.

i think i have wee'd myself laughing at most of these comments,nice to see the Millwall fans have a good sense of humour. Really hope they still have that sense of humour if they get beat. From my experience they might not have.....consider my daughter well and truely locked up....and i live 2 miles away ha ha

If I was alive i'd even come out of retirement for this one.

FOA Frankie, don't bother pal, I had that away two weeks ago.

i just followed through with excitement about this game

Don't wear dungerees.

listen up you lot, i will be parading up and down every single street in thesurrounding area doing my best aggressive bermondsey bowl. and dont think any stupid 2ft high picket fence is gonna stop me from bowling all over you lawns. if anyone tries to stop me i will have to bring out my trump card the bermondsey windmill attack. oi oi grandad give us a song.......

listen up you lot, i will be parading up and down every single street in thesurrounding area doing my best aggressive bermondsey bowl. and dont think any stupid 2ft high picket fence is gonna stop me from bowling all over you lawns. if anyone tries to stop me i will have to bring out my trump card the bermondsey windmill attack. oi oi grandad give us a song.......

I've dusted my knuckle dusters off and am coming out of retirement to show those Millwall thugs what for.

Bushwackers - you have been warned.

David doesn't get mad, mad gets David.

...And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know I'm The Lord when I lay my vengeance upon you.

David Carlton: Tell me, Ali, do you have a job?
Ali G: Unfortunately I iz recently gone on the dole...
David Carlton: Really? When?
Ali G: Eight years and three months ago.
David Carlton: Says here you claim disability benefit, are you...?
Ali G: Yes, I iz actually spasticated. I iz got a terrible DJ'ing injury - I still ain't got full mobility in me main mixing finger...
Ali G: - everything down there's still working though! Oh yes...

Just tell me who would paint their front door and garage lime green?
You, yes you at number 29, have you no taste darling?
Come on Justin, I'm going to bash your back door in.

Mrs Hutt, can I put my car into your garage?
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Did someone mention the MO22?

I am Saprticus.

Sparticus - you spelt your name wrong :whack:

i love n dubz

Ive always supported staines and always look out for there results.

People of the Universe, I fear no enemy of the the Universe except one, yes, those dastardly Millwall fans. Not even I can help you. Run, hide, be very afraid. I,m off to planet kryptonite to hide.I fear no enemy of the the Universe except one,

Bods of staines your well lucky the jubilee line don't run down to your 2 bob gaff.Cause the damage i would of done to your flower beds and toes.Naughty that's all i can say.Any hoot iam of down the elephant which is an african brass iam giving one

Well I am a qualified referee and although I'm vertically challenged, I will be there in full referee's kit and will be dishing out yellow cards to any of my fellow Millwall supporters who may get out of hand.
My red card is a bit faded and it's turned into more of a shade of orange, but hey it's only a colour.
*pheeeeep*
"Oi you, the tall one, over here, listen you may be 5'3" but I'm in charge of this match"

'0891 50 50 50'

Hey, that's my number, I haven't given you permission to put my number up on here, admin can you remove it please?

lollllllllllllll

Anyone fancy a match day pint??

I'm going to go to this match and so is my dad cause my dad used to run with all the millwall boys and hes told me all about them but tottenham are better than millwall now and if tottenham were there we would bash you all up so im going to ring a few of my pals up from the westbrook road synagogue and we will all come over to bash any millwall up who want a fight and my dad can see how hard i am and he will be so proud and then he will tell me some more stories of how he was a top boy down millwall even though hes spurs really.

I need to buy some new pants - can anyone tell me if there are any shops in Staines that sell this item.

Must go - it's Pimms o'clcock

People of staines Good morning. In less than a week, staines people from here will join you and others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest ground battle in this history of mankind.

Mankind -- that word should have new meaning for all of us today.

We can't be consumed by our petty differences with slough anymore.

We will be united in our common interests THE MILLWALL.
Perhaps its fate that today is the 28th of November, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom, not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution or rape -- but from annihilation.

We're fighting for our right to live, to exist.

And should we win the day, the 28th of November will no longer be known as an staines holiday, but as the day when the world declared in one voice against MILLWALL:

"We will not go quietly into the night!

We will not vanish without a fight!

We're going to live on!

We're going to survive!"

Today, we celebrate our Independence Day!

It's disgusting that al these awful Millwall people are being allowed into Staines.

I have lived here quietly for almost 65 years and now I have to put up with these morons trampling my caefully tended rose bushes and geraniums.

Lord knows what Eva will say when she hears.

chris morris would be proud of that 'article'

Few of us are going over there Friday afternoon.
Camp up in some local, get a couple of wraps.
See if the locals want a tear up Friday night.
After that pick up a couple of brasses and start all over again on Saturday morning.
MMMMMMMIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Fear not good people of Staines I have almost finished saving the world.

I will save you soon.

Lord Pete and I are dreaming up a tax to put on these Millwal people.

Vote for me instead of those wicked Tories and you can be a suburb of Scotland (free prescriptions, glasses, and no tuition fees)

An announcement from the aetherial realms.

'His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Lord of All the Beasts of the Earth and Fishes of the Sea, and Conqueror of the British Empire including Spelthorne in General and Wheatsheaf Lane in Particular wishes to make the following statement.

"I want to assure the loyal and beloved people of Spelthorne that the imperialist, fascist hordes of Millwall fans will not shake the foundations of the Empire that we have founded in the former fascist colony of Middlesex.

The guards that protect the Imperial Palace opposite the Post Office in Wheatsheaf Lane will fight to the last man and they are superior in the weapons and have the hearts of the Lion. They will make the fans of the Lions look like the harmless pussycat from the Felix advert.

I personally have fridge fulls of the severed heads of football hooligans that have fallen into my hands.

Fear not, Mrs. Hutt, your Wednesday afternoon cleaning job at the Imperial Palace is safe.

P.S. I can see from my exalted position that there is some dust on the picture rail in the grand dining room. Please could you flick round with your duster next time you're in there."'

just heard that millwall fc play to take the main stand and the score board and use it at there training ground, this is highbury all over again

It's all one big conspiracy between Millwall and double glazing salesmen in Staines - so they can make some extra money and split the cash.

This is the funniest thing since you all rinsed me a while back.PS has anyone seen my coin holder??

Get your hats! Get your scarves! Special edition Staines / Millwall scarves here, like!

Don't mess with this lot, I should know and I was only joking with them.
They found out who I was and put my photo up all over the internet, they came and smashed up the Asda at Milton Keynes looking for me, a lot of innocent people got hurt.
My advice is to pack up all of your belongings and move out of your town for the weekend, come back Sunday night and see if any of it is left.
Gary.

'LOOK AFTER YOUR BROOOOOOM'

iss al vermin, this iss all vermin.

Kann i say ho sorry i am in ad vanse for enny damage that these millwall hoolygguns cause? it makes my heart blead. it reely duz. vote for me.

when the draw was made i was very excited but i can honsetly say that looking at some of the things this mindless idiots have got planned that i am starting to get the willies. i cant believe someone is threatening to defacate on someones windscreen!

I lived in Slough when Millwall played there.
To get over the nightmare I moved to Staines and NOW they are back

Free yellow baseball hats for all visiting convicted Millwall hoolies!

Suffered the same/similar situation Stan.

Survived Salisbury, now this.

Sickening.

Sorry The people of Staines we can't help you with this lot...........they took our manor the other month in the Cup.

Open Thrope Park on free admission have a day off.

I would like to the minds of the good people of Staines at rest and put an end to this scaremongering.
I have this week written to Millwall FC in praise of their fans behaviour when they played at Griffin Park last weekend.
I thanked them for leaving nearly 3 sides of the stadium still standing and most of our seats still bolted down.
Their fans were most generous in donating money for the repairs by throwing coins to our supporters in the stands, the game passed off without any major incident and only 172 arrests were made, mainly from when the Millwall supporters tried to enter the Brentford stand when were scored our 2nd goal to congratulate our fans.
Please do not believe everything you hear about Millwall's fans and I would welcome them back again, once we have had our ground repaired.
DH.

Depending on the strength of the curry i have and how many beers i have the night before, i might be able to cover the bonnet too! wish me luck!!

let me know what house number you are, i'll brew one and drop it through your letterbox after the game

you are sick in the nut mate - please leave my car alone. decent people should not be expected to clean up your mess for you.

i have been doing a little research on these people and i am concerned. except fot that darren of albany bloke - my sources tell me he is just a failed celebrity tv chef who probably knows that ex hoolie fat greengrocer greg wallace. stick to your cooking deary.

Ali g: Sons of staines, I am Ali g

Young blood: Ali g is 7 feet tall and is black and blows and kiss his teeth.

Ali g: Yes, I've heard. robs Millwall i pods by the hundreds, and if he were here he'd consume enough skunk and sniff the toeilt seat of your nut and kill Millwall with fireballs from his eyes and bolts of lightning from his crack. I AM Ali g: And I see a whole army of my countrymen here in defiance of Millwall. You have come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What would you do without freedom? Will you fight?
old blood: Fight? Against millwall? No, we will run; and we will live.
West Ham fan:What he said
Ali g: Aye, fight and you may have to make love to edster. Run and you'll live -- at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell BMC that We fought those south london pikeys on the cobbles they may take our lives, but they'll never take our Pie and mash shop menzes!!!

ali g : Alba gu bra! (Staines forever!)

Hi. I'm a match official and was going to leave my car in Jenny Hutt's garage but Delroy from Brockley's moped is still there. I'll have to park the car round the back instead, but will board up the windows and headlights just in case.

and windscreen, exhaust and air intake. best be safe eh

millwall fans - i eat them for breakfast

i is a roared and iam coming down on a blue bus with my pal OTH and a magical dwarf called nez who is well racist but loves David haye why dont ask why. how dont ask how.And we iS gonna cause enough bother oth IS gonna roll all over u warriors(staines firms)for those not in the know.and nez is gona cave your shins in.as for me i be stroking my pet with me we hand laughing laughing.And the arch bish is on the look out for some hot Asian honeys Indian or chinese he aint fussy

I would be more concerned about living in Staines, the place is a dump, you wouldnt notice if anyone tried to wreck the town, as it lokks like someone already has.
A big up to ali G, doing Stained more harm than Millwall ever could.

staines geezer to simon the leader of the staines crew.
The Millwall firm had rubber skin. We spotted them easy, but these are new. They look human - sweat, bad breath stone island jumpers and gergio jumpers and live tv shirts, everything. Very hard to spot yea right you gary hunt. I had to wait till the bushwackers moved on you before I could zero in on them.
Simon: Look... I am not stupid, you
know i am well ard and twice as handy. They cannot make firms like that yet.
geezer: Not yet. Not for about 40 years.
Simon: Are you saying the millwall firm are from the future?
geezer: One possible future. From your point of view... I don't know train spotting stuff.
Simon: Then you're saying bushwhackers from the future even the fella with puke on his Scotland flag, too. Is that right?
gezar: Right.
simon: Right.

awrite its Danny Dire here

you might have seen me in football factowrys.

Just heard about this tear up planned in staines, sounds well nawty. Me and the crew will be there right in the action. take right over staines manor, prowpa nawty.

Sounds like it might be like man uniteds visit to barnsley, hardly a building was left standing after that, pwropa nawty.

Hi Staines its Edster here,i have a serious question for you all,do you sell diet kebabs down your way as iam on a diet because iam such a fat greedy selfish slob, the doc told me if i dont lose 10 stone by the end of the year i will probably suffocate in my own fat.

Cheers guys and only the guys x x x

Anyone got any plant food?

people off staines in your pants.
i am,bringing the crew down gerbals the lot.how does the trains run.And do your fires burn well as i like
lamp shades and tea holders.Is there a big Jewish firm down there by any chance(fingers crossed)Cause iam gonna go aggy. have great day out bacon rules down with zog

I am very concerned about large numbers of Millwall fans roaming around the town centre looking for a drink, most of the pubs will be boarded up, with that in mind I have arranged for a marquee to be erected in my back garden (overlooks the pitch) I would like to invite all Millwall fans to join me on this joyous day for a can or two....

Best Wishes

Rana

ill be down there for the footy.But please don't do drugs because my 30 year nephew don't like it and gets scared. i had to cover him with my anorak when bods where doing oats in full view once.I told a couple of lads at wembley in the carzy is it carzy toilet iam just trying to sound cockney .any ways i had to stop lads doing nose bag in fall frontal of every one.they diddnt like it and well my nose touches my ear now. drugs are not cool. call frank.

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Because if one of those things gets down here then that will be all, you can kiss all of this goodbye!

where is fabulous beatles band?

Hi staines i was wondering if you have any spare council houses for me and my family who should be arriving of the lorry any day now.
Even a shed will Jimmy Ab Do.
Also do you have a free local dentist around as our teeth have some strange problems.
I would say thank you all but there is no such thing as thank you in the Somali language so i wont.

*spits on floor and smiles*

whats up fish fingers.iam steveo Morrison and i will score against this out fit well maybe alright i wont. i hate the south stand there such nerds

Resistance is futile

Jenny Hutt is going to be parking her car in her garage

Well I'ze jus been on Yell.com and did a likkle search

Looks like I'ze going to be parking me 'car',right in Jenny's garage if ya get me

We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender.

He eats breakfast three hundred yards away from four thousand west ham fans who are trained to kill him and no one's going to tell him how to run his unit, least of all the Harvard mouth in his faggoty white uniform.

Your boys are going down, Danny. I can't stop it anymore.

I remember the last time Millwall came to Staines. An incident happened that affected me to this day. Me and my brother in law decided to have a few pre match pints in our local. All of a sudden a load of Millwall showed up. Threw bricks, concrete, whatever they could find through the window. After it had all died down, we decided to walk out. Thinking it was all clear, we walked out of the pub when a couple of guys who were up to no good, startin making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, she said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'.

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Boon? I have more responsibility here than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago, and you curse the Millwall. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Santiago’s death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. I know deep down in places you dont talk about at parties, you don’t want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand to post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

Mum won't like it, Uncle Arthur.

I expect you to rock their world. Wipe them out if that is what they choose. But if you are ferocious in battle remember to be magnamimous in victory.

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

Bo.

Salutations Dear Miss Jenny Hutt,
Katanga, my friend. You have won substantial amount in postcode lottery and love of god and my extended family is with you. Postcode TW18 2PD is favoured by my cousin in draw made without supervision and not warming balls in fashion favoured of dear Mr H. Redknapp. Also love from Western Union in OKR. Now, please be sending me email and bank account of your goodself else I shall be vexed sufficiently to remove back doors.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be
it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by
scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
than my own meandering
experience…I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you
imagine. Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with
people who are reckless with yours. Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes
you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with
yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don’t. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe
you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever
own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for
good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out. Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…

They don't like it up em.

I ain't going to staines just for some Brentford wannabe t ospit all over me, if he spits on me I'll throw my KFC paper pepsicola cup at his Head!

Don'y worry folks, I've fixed it so that the ticket barriers at staines won't open for any ticket that's come from South Eastern Trains stations!!!

If any of those Millwall ruffians want to come round & scurry up our back passages who are we to complain. Let em do their worst i say.......

Ich bin ein Sarf East Londoner!

The call me Barney and Rubble for two reasons - yes I like a good Barney and where do you want the rubble left?

You're crazy. You oughta be locked up. You, too. Two hundred and fifty guys just walkin' down the road, just like that?

I hear long-held animosities are being put aside for this one, and a Millwall-West Ham-Spurs-Chelsea Superfirm will descend on Staines. This will go off big time! I think they should call the soldiers back from Afghanistan to help control it. Regular old bill will get slaughtered. I fear for the lives of all residents.

Superfirms??

We're on our way to Portsmouth that day. There's also some top boys like **** ******** coming down from Histon and B*** H*** has agreed for us to join up with the Staines boys

You Bushwackers are gonna lose it when you see the Hist-Staines and the Manc-Staines

STAND!

BUY 1 GET 1 FREE, I SAID BUY ONE GET ONE FREE DO YOU HEAR ME BUY 1 GET ONE FREE !!

When your windows go through---put one of the FREE ones in!!

BUY 1 GET 1 FREE, I SAID BUY ONE GET ONE FREE DO YOU HEAR ME BUY 1 GET ONE FREE !!

When your windows go through---put one of the FREE ones in!!

i feel better now as i was having a beer last night with my mate derek who is a super hooper. anyway his mate leroy is connected with the super hoopers hooligans and he assures me that millwall are nothing to be scared of. the hoops played them a few years back and chased them all around shepherds bush apparently. he also said that they got beaten up very badly at upton park too. i think it will be ok - they are probably no worse than say watford or brentford these days.

Lip up fatty.

This is the chance I've been waiting for for years. I really hate the people of Staines. I'm going to disguise myself as a Millwall fan and mingle with them then set light to whatever I can find.

What colour do Millwall play in?

If you would like your windows cleaned before they're smashed let me know.

Good morning gardeners!

I have taken some time off from digging manure around the St.Peter's climbing roses to update my previous advice.

As I said earlier, I am sure that the vandals that decimated the Blue Peter garden all those years ago were Millwall thugs. We couldn't prove anything but Biddy Baxter had her suspicions.

Simon Groom and Peter Duncan were well up for sorting out the thugs down the OKR but Janet Ellis talked them out of it. 'They're not worth it boys'

Anyway, I have looked at the 'Bing' maps on Heaven-net (strange, when I was on earth, Bing was a singer), and I feel certain that your lawns and gardens are safe for the simple reason that most of you have covered your gardens with tarmac, pea shingle, B&Q paving, concrete or decking.

Even Mrs. Hutt's garden is in a very uncared for state. Shame on you Mrs. Hutt!!

However, please be aware that these 'gardens' may be at risk of being torn up and used as missiles. Even your boundary walls are not safe. I would recommend digging up all your front gardens and removing rubble before the game.

Then, after the match you can all start again with lawns and borders.

I am sure that your 'Lane' will be much improved after a Millwall makeover.

P.S. Don't forget to choose a nice hardy seed mix in case Millwall draw you at home next year.

Happy Gardening!

I've heard there's going to be some pwoper Danny Dyer style nawwwtiness going off in Staines. Top lads,running the filth, and erm,firms and other associated hoolie nonsense. But don't worry, they never 'urt noone wot wasn't an 'ooligan themselves. There's honour between hooligans, see.

Let's not forget that the people of Staines aren't exactly angels themselves. A lot of us think they've had this coming for a long time.

Mother, Mother - we're closing the hotel on Nov 28. Well maybe Jenny Hutt can have a room. The one next to reception is nice.

my mate has a B52 bomber in his garage and reckons if millwall lose he is going on a bombing raid over staines. he said he might do it even if they win he is nuts!

GREEN ARMY, get on you janner!

oops sorry wrong match!

It's an absolute disgrace! If it wasn't for Millwall fans we'd all be speaking German by now. Or something.

I like biscuits especially ones with chocolate on. hmmmmmm

hmmm I cant decide, do I go this game with me old Millwall mates or do I go watch the hammers play burnley? I know i'll go this one then go watch my other team Chelsea on sunday! REEEEESULT GEEEEZA!

Got 10 tickets for mad dog Bob and his crew and me and Tom hammer sitting in the home end touch

Zoom zoom

gocompare

when in doubt check them out

gocompare

with just a few clicks and your spondoolicks

and you’ll thank your stars that you went to gocompare

yes you’ll thank your stars that you went to gocompare.

Staines have aids

I can't believe I was that fat!!!

should be busy in that area on Monday night then

Alrite Skip!

Bob is tired.
Plook me now,
You savage rascal
Ehhh! that tickles.
You are a fun person
I like you.
I want to kiss
You always

"Stevie Wonder said:
Don't worry, I can't see any trouble happening in Staines that day.
"

I can't see anything happening either!
Mange Toute!

Don't panic.

Just thought I'd let you all know that I've decided to cut short my holiday in the jungle for this. Me and Aggie (the supreme dream team of clean) will be down on Sunday to start he clean up operation. We'll be about on Wheatsheaf Lane on Saturday too if any of you naughty Millwall boys want to smash our back doors in. Form an orderly cue boys xx

I'd just like to confirm that I'm well up for some back door action as Kim said. Maybe if you're lucky we might even double team you a few of you boys. Also, if Jenny Hutt would like to join in then the more the merrier xx

Alright Percy! It's good to see you're still around.

When I was away I got really into gardening. At Belmarsh I wasn't allowed out of my cell except for 30mins a day up and down the yard in handcuffs and with 8 screws in riot gear.

However, after a while I managed to get transferred to Broadmoor thanks to my psychiatrists.

They've got a lovely garden there with wonderful views. At first, I was only allowed to kill slugs and snails with my bare hands because they wouldn't give me any tools. However, after a few months I was digging in manure, making raised beds and I even did a NVQ in topiary.

Mick the Machete should check out the following link http://the-hermeneutic-of-continuity.blogspot.com/2008/12/john-pridmore-at-blackfen.html

Millwall's FAN ON THE BOARD Peter Garston yesterday underwent surgery for the removal of a cancerous tumour, and I have done my best to expose and eradicate the on-line neo-Nazi cancer coming from www.hof.org.uk that is attacking me personally and London's fare development too.

The RC Dean of Bexley Father Timothy Finigan has been asked to pray for a cure to both Millwall related cancers.

Our Lady of the Rosary pray for us in BNP leader Nick Griffin MEP's EU/GLA/LDA/ODA NEO-NAZI DEVELOPMENT TIMES Amen

"We are the best in the world! We are the best in the world! We have beaten Staines 2-1 in football!! It is completely unbelievable! We have beaten Staines! Staines, birthplace of Ali G. Mark Goode, Angie Payne, Winnifred Barnett, Rana Yewer, Duncan Greenhalgh -we have beaten them all. We have beaten them all. Jenny Hutt can you hear me?"

"Jenny Hutt, I have a message for you as you skulk in your garage. I have a message for you: We have knocked Staines out of the FA Cup. Jenny Hutt, as they say in your language in the boxing bars around the Youth Hostel in Staines: Your boys took a hell of a beating! Your boys took a hell of a beating!"

As a Sunderland fan I can confirm the Milwall mob are a particularly nasty bunch. we have a history of this and that.

In the spirit of mutual respect aye will be ready with some tomato soup and sausage roles innit. But keep it quiet yo i dont want jazzy dave getting wind. see you in the car park at 9

We're closing the Krusty Krab for the day as the whole Bikini Bottom CBL firm are up for this one.

Don’t worry people of Staines, Surrey glazing are doing some SMASHING deals on windows in our autumn sale. We are also doing great offers on car glazing. Buy a new windscreen and we will replace the rear one for free!!!
Top PRICES!!!!!!
So dont delay......but today!!!!
Offers end 5:00pm Saturday 28th. We would like to keep the offers open longer but we expect to be very busy!

As a Newcastle fan i can confirm im a dick.

Me, Catford Dave, Cutthroat Pete, Shandy Sam, Spanner, The Green Giant, Bermondsey Bert and Lamps r gunna hav a massiv nite in staines. wetherspoons early doors for an english and beers. Cant bloo dy wait. most of r posse r baned from south londn so were gunna make the most of this trip. Should of never udnerestiamted MILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

My thoughts are with you in the suburbs. I will not be evacuated from the capital until the threat is over. Gawd bless us all, 'n that.

I for one intend to eat with my mouth open, and won't be holding doors open for anyone. Look out Staines.

What would Jade Goody make of all this?

I once knew a chap who supported Milwall. We attended Eton together. One day mummy invited the chap over for supper. He was a lovely fellow, a really jolly type, one of the jokers of the class. We had a splendid dinner and we talked about all sorts from the state of BA shares to the England rugby team, my grandma even told my friend from Eton how she'd once attended a game at West Ham as a guest of Trevor Brooking. After dinner my friend did a poo on poor old grandma while she slept on the sofa, she never really recovered from that incident and died shortly after. I'm affraid it's the Milwall gene, this chap had never been anywhere near Bermondsey but he was a firghtful fellow once someone mentioned the game of football.

I'm affraid you're all going to be in mighty trouble come 28th November.

Lock away your grandmas!
Hide your begonias!

God bless the people of Staines, you were a game bunch.

You gotta love livin', baby, 'cause dyin' is a pain in the ass.

Rasssssssp!!

The fight is won or lost far away from witnesses - behind the lines, in the gym and out there on the road, long before I dance under those lights.

What counts is not necessarily the size of the dog in the fight - it's the size of the fight in the dog.

Joy lies in the fight, in the attempt, in the suffering involved, not in the victory itself.

There are signs directing you away from Staines but nothing enticing you in.

Ohhhhh myyyyy daaaaaayyyyyzzzze!! lolz Staines is gonna get mash up - you hear me blud? My cuz is from Slough and his posse is well up for it.

I Will be boycotting this paper for... well ever ... YOu should be ashamed of yourselves ! asking the local PC brigade what they think Its outrageous I bet you made half of it uP! dont hesitate to contact me because I am appauled that you would do this to the local team we are... All the good publicty and our local safe haven of a paper post this load of RUBBISH.Its appauling you should be supporting us instead of trying to scare people away

I Will be boycotting this paper for... well ever ... YOu should be ashamed of yourselves ! asking the local PC brigade what they think Its outrageous I bet you made half of it uP! dont hesitate to contact me because I am appauled that you would do this to the local team we are... All the good publicty and our local safe haven of a paper post this load of RUBBISH.Its appauling you should be supporting us instead of trying to scare people away

Staines made me have stains.

WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY SAN YOU FACKING MAG? BUSHWHACKERS BUSHWHACKERS!

Hello, I am German company owning person. My company is going to set up UK international branch in your fair town, well what's left of it after the nasty Millwallians have been through. Hoping you enjoy Siemens Staines. Gut nacht.

Sharpen up your cut-throat razors ready for the trip to Staines.
The 28th of November marks the start of National Shave-a-Granny week

No wonder you lot are worried, we have got a huge firm out for this one. Can't wait going to be a right old tear up, I am going to personally make sure that no gnome is left standing, no milk remains on front steps and I may even put all the windscreen wipers up on your brand new cars. Little wonder no one likes us, MIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLL

Jenny and the residents of Wheatsheaf Lane: Put your bins around the back anorl - it's confirmed, Lagboat is coming!

Alright people of staines i was wondering if there was any were to park my big black cox.As it well urts when people step on it

PANIC OVER: Good people of Staines, as my brother Chuck D said, Don't Believe The Hype. Nowt to worry about.
Millwall are yesterday's news. Today the mighty Wycombe Wanderers firm ran the Millwall mongs all over south London. Lagboat still hasn't come out of his bin! They even took over a 'wall pub in the heart of the ghetto and that can't have happened in, oooooh, at least a month.
No idea what happened on the pitch mind...

I got my ticket today and there were 200 in the queue, most of them `meatheads`

Are Surrey police are good?

Mrs.Barnett and friends you have my deepest sympathies. I wanted to offer reassurance and point out that at least you'll only have to suffer this invasion of horrible pikeys as a one off. Sadly it could soon become an annual event. Try camouflage - don't wash for a fortnight, shop at Oxfam, walk like you've followed through. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

i used to be called harry wycombe face until the train ride with millwall fans today.we the rest is history as they say i was gang raped and facialed on.i was so scared iam shaking as i type.the power christ repels you millwall fans the power of christ repels you

i used to be called harry wycombe face until the train ride with millwall fans today.well the rest is history as they say i was gang raped and facialed on.i was so scared iam shaking as i type.the power christ repels you millwall fans the power of christ repels you

Millwall are scary.
They throw stones.
Hope you hammer them. See what i did there?

Sorry about today lads.
Don't worry though i'm gonna be reet up for the cup game. Reckon if I play well I might impress the home manager and get one final move. You won't all hate me for moving on to a better club?

at millwall lets all laugh at millwall ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha mighty wycombe wandrers

i'll get me coat.

Can I put my ticket on expenses?

Wheres Vera Lynn when you need her?

Jenny Hutt, thanks for last nite babe.
It was special.
I love it when you beat me across my bare bottom with a copy of womans weekly.
You saucy mynx.
See you saturday after the game you sexual goddess.

stains town i herd its gonna kick off big time all the old millwall boys and millwall bushwckers of today are going to make sure its worse than west ham good luck stains....

Staines v Millwall will make Algeria v Egypt seem like afternoon tea and scones with the vicar on Jenny Hutt's front lawn.

Effective ways to remove Staines:

Domestos
Chlorine
Electric brush
Mr Clean
Millwall

Millwall @ Staines: Why come? Just wondering....

i'll get me jackett.

Rivers of blood (and mountains of pikey scum).

Fear not Staines the whole thing is a wind-up. I know for a fact Millwall have already had their cup final this season (sadly they won), I was there. Following club tradition they're booking Right Said Fred for the open-top bus celebrations.

Yo Millwall (and dis supposed super firm),

if u fink u iz gonna merk us den u has got anuva fing cumin. We has already smashed da Englefield Green massiv on numerous occassions ova by da John Nike Leisure Centre and for ur visit we iz joinin forces wiv dem, da Egham Ginormous, da Ashford Humongous and maybe even Ali G and his West Staines Massiv for da first time since we helped him find da master copy of da CCTV footage provin dat it weren't da prime minister hu had s-e-x.

Also, i has been onto da top boys of da Yeading Yetties and da Feltham FFB and dey is considerin cumin outta retirement for dis. Dey is pwopa lower league and I has even got a vid of dem provin ow hard dey weally iz:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfcnAvx7fc8

As a precaution, I suggest all Millwall fans are directed to nearby Egham 'by mistake'. When they discover the 'error', it will be too late for them to attend the game!
A sensible solution to prevent any potential trouble. What could possibly go wrong?

It's only Millwall. my neighbour in Wheatsheaf Lane (Mrs S) will on standby with her wooden spoon in case any of the dozen Millwall fans show up. (All 12 there entire ST base).
When the draw was made I dropped to my knees and thanked the good lord above we didn't draw Leeds United, had we drawn them it would have been Hell. They are one nasty bunch and their fans are no better. They always wreck pubs on their travels and at ER, well don't even bother going there if you value your life. FIRST OF ALL THERE'S THE BOSS.......

I'll be bringing me mum, me sister and the mother of me kids to this one. If she can get the afternoon off from McD's.

Knock yerslefs out Millwall lads. The FL know for a fact that there are dozens of Leeds fans in Staines. If there's any trouble those northern monkeys can expect a hefty points deduction (we're just trying to work out how many it would take to keep them down and save your cup final).

Oi Don Revie's Whippet Muncher or whoever you are, we ain't playing an open-top bus, but if you can sort out a whip round out, we'll play on top of Winnie Barnett's car for a tenner.

oi Millwall stop using our Rockin' song. Stick with 'Let 'em come' after all your top boys do - usually over their chin or back. MOT

Don´t worry Shandy drinkers!!

The YRA are on the case.....he he he

Fear not Staines, Millwall's so called hooligan element started running on 24th October this year from Surrey Quay's from a mob they were playing that day.
They were done in their own backyard and are to scared to come down to leafy old Staines after meeting arguably the hardest fans in the country.
MOT

Afraid I won't score...I can't be bothered, it's not Leeds. I'm shitting myself, literally have staines. Love you Leeds!

luvvly jubbly
another jolly boys day out

So who are this Mullwill any way?

alright dave

autobots
TRANSFORM
millwall are coming !
sod this we're off
earth people you are on your own !!!

RELAX

THIS IS STAINES !!!!

What are the 'housewives' like in Staines?

Oy, Ben Dover, I understand the middle-class women of Wheatsheaf Lane are partial to a bit of sarf Landan rough, on the quiet.
Especially after watching 22 blokes running around in tight shorts...

I'm rather worried that hard Millwall boys are gonna come down and bash me.

Please, stay away rugged footie boys.

regards.

We're Jack and Jave (not to be confused with John and Edward whom we closely resemble). We're a gay couple and really don't like drunken angry football types. We're really quite frightened by these Millwall fans and we shall be tucked up in bed with a large stick when they come to town.

If you survive this little mob you've got the might of the Hampton Hoolies coming on New Years Day.

Och aye - I'll be having a can and a bar on the day of the match but other than that I'm free.

I can provide protection for the people of Staines in return for a can and a banana and some treats for Mr Tiddles.

Let's have it right lads, Staines have had it coming for years. There's a monumental chip on their South West shoulders, only themselves to blame if it goes off. Can someone look after my trophy wife whilst I posture?

ive read some poor and pathetic journalism recently, from ill trained ( if indeed this person has had any training ) improperly researched jokers, but this takes the award for ' rubbish of the year ' What a sad and pathetic person the writer of this garbage is. Millwall play 46 times a year in the league, local journalists dont write such things for all these games.

The writer of this piece knows nothing about football, football fans, and indeed nothing about life.

If I were your editor you would be unemployed today.

MFCDave - I'll meet you old bud outside Winnie's at 12 bells I'll bring the leaflets and a little dram of Baileys so we can get on it!

Cowin' 'ell mun boyos. Cant ew do ew fightin' on the pitch mun like we does in rugby? The only 'ittin' we do is to the missus at the end of the night see

Where did all these Leeds fans come from?
Now Im here Im sure they will be on their toes soon enough.

Hello Bill,
Leeds fans are only good for one thing and thats slicing up.

When I went to Millwall last month I came back with Stains. My Mummy told me off and had to bleach my Y-Fronts.

Jenny Hutt, of Wheatsheaf Lane, said: "I will be putting my car in my garage, because you never know what might happen."

Desperate times, desperate measures.

I'll be staying in with Crouching Tiger Hidden Babba

You thugs are pathetic. I've seen two of my sons go off and fight for our country in the Falklands and Northern Ireland, both were injured and honoured for it. Neither of them would ever resort to writing threats on an internet message board.

We are a nice community and would have welcomed your visit but now it looks like you are hell bent on mocking our area and vandalising it.

I doubt any of you are real me. You live out your violent fantasies in emails and computer games, threaten individuals whilst in a gang, and I doubt any of you would be brave enough to face a real man one on one.

All this talk of weapons through to deliberately dropping litter is ridiculous. It's a sporting match, a friendly competition, not a brawl. I imagine your parents would be disgusted if they could read your vile comments on here. I cannot believe they would be proud to such unimaginative under-achieving children like you.

I for one will happily deal with anyone who throws plastic bags with drugs or urinates into my garden. I rarely use this word but you are little more than stupid juggers intent on bullying ordinary decent folk.

I notice Mr Rod Liddle of the Sunday Times has joined in, my husband is a friend of My Witherow your editor and I am forwarding your comment.

I despair.

Susan Lamicotte nee Bancroft

I live in Wheatsheaf Lane and last night we met with the neighbourhood watch team and the community officers. The police have not been able to assure us that we will be safe. As a result, the residents association has decided to hire a private security firm for the 48 hours around the match. There will be at least one security officer outside each house on the lane during and after the match. I have told my wife to take the kids to her mother's house in the lake district for a few days and I will be staying back to make sure nothing terrible happens.

Hey Treatment,
I'm only 3 and my Dad likes to touch me too. When Im good he touches me twice. I love it.

So, all you good people of Wheatsheaf Lane,do you need any gardening done? I love Millwall, but I'm still banned from every ground in the UK. So, if you wouldn't mind me coming early in the morning with me ladders, I'll trim yer conifers, and do any weeding if I can watch the game from your back garden.

Think about it! There's also an added benefit. If you've got me in your back garden, no yob is gonna brick your windows, urinate on your fuschias or vomit in your planters. You won't even have to bother moving your motor like Mrs. Hutt.

Just put my sign "Garden maintained by Mick the Machete Garden Services" in your front garden and the only trouble you'll have from the Millwall boys is them knocking on the door for my autograph.

Just google me and give us a ring.

Cheers.

Don't worry i know for a fact that Everton and Liverpool Hooligans and Cardiff?Swansea Thugs are joining forces for this game not to mention Chelsea and the National Front

Don't worry i know for a fact that Everton and Liverpool Hooligans and Cardiff?Swansea Thugs are joining forces for this game not to mention Chelsea and the National Front

Talk about make something out of nothing, Staines News.

I have been a Millwall supporter for 25 years, and I can say with pretty much strict confidence that Millwall fans will only start smashing things up if they are attacked by people who want to "have a go" purely because of Millwall's name. If there is no threat from the Staines (Chelsea?) fans, then there'll be no threat from the Millwall fans.

As for stories like this, I really don't see much of a 'public interest' defence in just winding things up.

The vast, vast majority of 'Wall games go incident free, and there is no solid reason why Staines should be any different.

Susan Lamicotte nee Bancroft - you should chill out a bit love. I have spoken to Mr Liddle, and have actually commended him on this fine work. Now run along and make us all a nice cuppa tea luv

Where are all the food outlets in town?

The Fat lion

I can build a spreadsheet to record the cost of any violence that takes place.

Hi. From Blackberry. Flight to JFK. 4 Horsemen opposite direction, Heathrow bound. One with scythe. Oh, people of Wheatsheaf what you done?

You Millwall hoodlums better watch out as I will be fitting a Solid Silver plough to my Bentley, take me on at your peril!
P.S Hope you like taking it up the rear boyo's! :D xx

If you check the Mayan Calendar, you'll see that they predicted the destruction of Staines in 2009. Be very scared....

Blimey Staines, over reaction me thinks?
While would Millwall decide to smash everyones car and house windows in?
You local residents should be ashamed of yourselves, your local team is through to the FA Cup 2nd round and instead of getting behind your team you are pooing yourself over a few Millwall fans.
The only reason they have some confrentations is because they have rivalries and history with proper clubs and not rubbish little blue square clubs.

One realises the troubles that one's country has faced recently. During a national economic problem, it can be vitally important for sporting events to lift the spirits of the public.

With that in mind, it gives one immense pleasure to have received a ticket for the away 'end' at Wheatsheaf Park, and one greatly looks forward to causin' sam fackin' 'avoc.

CAM ON MIWWAW!

I haven't laff so much since I got a bout of the old tap-dancer.

Thanks to all the luverly Millwall boys and others who posted. You've made my week with this, you really have. I'm gonna be grinning for DAYS...

Best let me know where the real muck-tubs can be had in your fair town? I'm bringing mi little blue'uns and wager on having a right stonk on. We don't mean trouble, just want to whitewash a few spliters.

If any of them north Kent shirt-lifers come near me and the rest of the Under 5's they're going to served. They got it all wrong if they think they can bully us. We've got a set of game lads who are ready to ship them back to their caravans quick sharpish. Hope they like the blade action, cos we're going striping on Saturday.

STU5
Nobody's mugs since 2007

Get to bed U5's!

You're stirring up the snipers and I need my Trojan horse for Saturday!

When Millwall came to play my club, a club I can't name through fear of reprisal, the devastation was terrible.

Literally scores of innocent pints of beer, massacred. Fish and chips devoured. It got so bad that the fish and chip shop bin overflowed with discarded fish and chip paper.

Then, after the match the ruthless perpetrators left as quickly as they arrived.

This is a true story. It happened in my town and it could happen in yours. Overflowing waste bins. Together we can stop it.

As an ex-player for Millwall I am here to tell you wheatsheaf lane residents that even tho you are going to board up your windows, we will have no doubts about spraying graffiti on those boards. You have been warned.

Any cars left on the streets will have their wipers pulled up from the windscreen and be left up in the air. May I stress here I dont mean ripped off, just left in the air, still attached and undamaged.

We might even let some air out of the car tyres too but it depends on the weather really. If its cold we dont wanna be hanging around and will wanna get inside into the warm. We may be football hooligans but we aint nuts!

People of Staines be very afraid i have heard that the Soul Crew are joining forces with the Bushwackers and they are coming to Wheatshaf Lane to trample all over your flowers!!!

We can't let these Millwall yoboes make us hide our cars and close our curtains.

Stand loud, be proud.

Arm yourself with Jif Lemons and let's be 'aving them

I think I'll be staying in the attic for this one.

Just had news that millwall, cardiff and west ham have now teamed together. millwall decided they needed some help pulling down them boards.

It's true, it's true, Millwall have teamed up with Cardiff and Westham to f**k up Staines. I've heard they're calling themselves the Inner City Soul Crew Bushwackers. Nasty, nasty collection of crews. Be afraid.

New in town! Absolutely stunning pre-op Transexual escort available for in-call at her luxury apartment on Weatsheaf Road, Staines. Entertainment available from this versatile latin beauty (39/30/32) with a 9" surpise for descerning gentlemen and editorial staff of The Times. Millwall most welcome, but beware, it'll be your bush I'll be wacking :)

Lovely jubbly, apples and pears, god bless the queen mum, I'm aaaavvviinnn some of that, innit!

R+R to all the real journalists on here!

HELLO

Beware a Millwall fan once ate my dog

well well as the residents have brought this to the attention of the media,they have left the Millwall no option but to turn up or loose face, looks like im going for motor vehicles parked at the rear, might even knock on doors and ask directions if i see any curtain twitchers......

if you Millwall think you got me scared your wrong.. i was in the blitz against hitler got bombed everynight in east london...my grandson is a west ham fan he and a few of his mates are coming to sit with me so you better be warned...

Don't you know who I am? I am the King of St Aines and I will protect my loyal subjects by throwing darts (eh Gumbo) although I only have 1 good one left, a broken shaft and a lost flight, maybe I could mix n match and have two good ones hmmmmmm. I will also attack the ruffions from the East with a particularly high concentrated measure of a Fairy liquid based water solution. Thats if I finish my Boneless box in time! Eh? I aint no gossip!

Will my mothers chickens be safe in the front yard?

I've heard that the Jericho chapter of the Bushwackers will be turning up for this one, and they'll be armed with trumpets.

Worry no longer, Winifred Barnett, Jenny Hutt or Rana Yewer, I've got 300 mates who are coming along Saturday to protect you from the Millwall hordes.

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hello evrybody my name is h and i woz in a reely gud band caled steps and it woz a lot of fun but wen i red the storee about the nastey men hoo hitted peepol i did a littol weewee in my trowserz and now my frend chico wont play kiss chase wiv me becoz he says i smellded and its not fare becoz my trowserz hav got a pikchur of a rabit on it and i liek them alot and now i am go to wotch cbeebees becoz it is gud and it maiks me larf but pleez DOO NOT HITED ME PLEES BECOZ I WIL HITED YOO BAK WIV MY PAINTING STIKS BECOZ IT IS NOT NIEC AND DO NOT STEELDED MY LADYBIRD PUSH AND RIDE TRAKTOR OR YOU WIL NOT BE ALOWD TO KUM TO My partey :(

Is the reputation of these Mill Wall fans true? If so, I've put a tarpaulin over the hedge in my front garden. I'm not risking anybody wacking my bush.

I should be safe, then - my bush is already gone.

Thank God I'm in the Untied States of Freedom, safe from these Millwell insurgeons. We will not give in to Terrapins!

I hope all you Wide Awake Club members will be enjoying Saturday's Bushwackaday!

Where's all dem hooligans? Dey're narsty music fans. Let's see you break some bits & make this pit a zoo again!

Sorry to disappoint but has anyone considered the fact that no self respecting (yes I know that's an antithesis) Millwall 'fans' are literate, computer or otherwise. Obviously a wind up from the Slough Massive. They WILL urinate in your front gardens though, its what they do, even in Ilderton Road.

The more you board up your houses the more you will get things thrown. Front it out.... Provacation will lead to a reaction i.e. police in riot gear, boarded houses, etc. There is no reason for a riot to start from nothing. As long as the police manage the situation competantly for a change there will be no problems. although the met seem to enjoy instigating trouble i.e Leeds at home this season, although only a mini riot.

Lets just hope the swans dont embarress the lions.... or it'll be a different story

Winifred Barnett went down in my estimation when she said that, we have not resorted to that

One day away from your apocalypse residents of Staines.

The doomsday clock is ticking........